Voices, chatter, endless, ceaseless, unrelenting chatter.
Whispering evils to me.
All encompassing, dark, surrounding. Like vultures of the night, they circle. Quietly, waiting for that moment of weakness to show itself. And to attack it. To amplify that little fear. It balloons, blossoms into something...something else.
Its a struggle. A never ending struggle. A fight with that creature, a fight against the dark. To master the fear, and not let the fear master you.
Insecurity rules you.
Rules me at least.
It works its way into every single facet of your being. Growing stronger and stronger all the time. It never lessens. Every misstep you take, every word you fumble, that tiny little grammatical error, leaves you even more off-balance than before. You become apologetic, overtly so, afraid to run, jump, walk, crawl, move.
Paralyzing fear.
Fear of, being not good enough, fear of looking bad, fear of becoming something lesser than something in everyone else's eyes. A powerful dark driving force. Everything you do becomes dependent on it.
Soon you start to withdraw, let your personality effuse away. You learn to shut up. You learn to disappear, after all its better to be unnoticed all the time than to be hated.
Its better that people don't see you for the monstrosity that you are.
After a while, people stop asking why you are so quiet. You just are. You miss a day at school, they don't notice. Even if they do, they don't say anything about it. Its normal.
Eventually you realize that whats the point of pretending you aren't there.
Just don't be.
Don't just hide your existence.
Erase it.
Labels: stories
