and drag you through the golden gates if I have to.

I promise.

**********************************************

I talk about him all the time.

But in the end I'm still a coward.

Just not as much as he is.

Doesn't make me much better.

Never means a lot.

Forever and never.

When you say you'll do something never, it's as bad as forever.

Or as good.

At least that's what it's supposed to mean.

What does it mean.

Never.

I'll never be good enough?

I'm probably reading too much into it.

I get hurt too easy.

I don't smile.

I'm too selfish to smile.

I used to once.

I'm too scared of getting hurt.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.