Perhaps I should try to be less quirky and offbeat. And control myself.

I need control.

I hate being the oldest sibling. I've always wanted an elder sibling. Preferably an elder sister, for some reason I expect her to be all understanding and not sadistic. Of course I'd expect her to be my partner in crime, against my parents and the world. And dispensing advice, sincere advice, no matter how horrific and malinformed. I would take that advice anyway, because I could trust the intentions if not the truth of the advice.

At the least I'd have someone who would know me, and know a lot of the troubles I faced. And would help me in some of the stuff I faced..

Its all an idealistic vision. I doubt I'm the elder brother my brothers hoped for anyway. I probably put them off the idea of elder siblings at all. I can imagine them rolling their eyes at the benefits of contending with another elder sibling on top of me.

But they put me off younger siblings anyway.

Its mutual.