When my english goes wonky at least, it means I'm in a rather emotional state of mind.

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I struggle with the fact that I am by nature a selfish person.

It's natural for me to grab whatever's best for myself.

An inbred overcompetitveness is part of it, but not all of it.

Thinking about my own interests isn't a problem, but I sometimes get into trouble for simply not thinking about others.

At least for its only on a subconscious level, I'd like to believe.

I thought I was the type of person who'd do anything for someone who was willing to do the same.

Or a little less than the same.

But only for hope of the same.

Is that still selfish?

I really don't know.

Is it possible to still think of yourself first, and leave room for others?

Can a selfish person still be a good person?

I hate selfishness you see.

I hate myself.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.