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It's no secret that who I am hates who I've been but most of the time I just push that person behind me. Far behind.

I have a confession to make, but one reason why I cannot stand my brother is because he represents to me everything that I could have been. With all the flaws that don't make him a bad person, but a simply annoying one.

Sometimes it hits me square in the face when someone says something. Like how she did.

I don't blame her, I mean she hasn't interacted with me at length since I was twelve.

But I never want to hear something like that again.

"not in front of Ian"

Sigh.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.