And I have to deal with it.
Yeah. I was, immature. Socially awkward. Dumb and stupid, naive about everything. But I knew where my values lay. I know where my values lie.
Don't twist the facts with me. Don't preach to me about commitment, don't scold me for a mistake YOU made.
I don't know if I ever told you, but I remember it was back then, back when I still trusted both of you.
He sure as hell didn't though.
It was in the middle of all the trash. That rubbish as he called it. That bullshit. That nonsense. Where everyone was unhappy with you. I was unhappy with you. You were running your ass between SYF and all the other crap you had on your side. WSC was important to you. I honestly thought it was fine if you skipped rehearsals but kept up, and was willing to give you that much.
Thing is, you skipped rehearsals, came in late, spent time yelling at people for stressing you out, and making us wait for you because you couldn't handle the pressure that people were putting on you because you decided to sign up yourself for 25 hours of things everyday.
I stood up for you a few times. I stood up for you even though no one would, even when the teacher made threats about you in your bloody absence. But I too got sick of it all. I was committed. He said as much. He said. Oh Ian it isn't fair to you, because Jonathan's being a dick, I don't know what he's doing he's just screwing around. It's not fair to you Ian. You should be vice chair. I'll talk to the teacher and see what I can do about that.
That's what he said, you can ask him about it.
Yeah. So that's it for proof of my commitment.
So you wronged them. But I never faulted you like they did.
And you had to apologize to them. And you did. Arguably rightly so.
But I wouldn't have done what they did.
He did.
Commitment isn't something that vanishes overnight. But then after that, who knows what happened. Meetings were being called, I wasn't being invited.
You can't expect me to worry about the CCA 24/7, worry about dramafeste, I mean. Why would I have need to worry? You two were my good friends and, being chair and vice chair obviously I would be notified if you know, any CCA meeting's occurred.
I got no notifications during the holidays. I got no notifications when school started, even though we were in the fucking same class.
And yes. I lacked commitment. Forgive me for not worrying about things that it was not my duty to worry about. Forgive me for not assuming I was being left out of things. Not that it helped the moment I found out.
You were out of the loop. I was out of the loop. The loop was Shrey and whosoever suited him.
I asked. Never got anything.
I asked the sec2s about what was happening. I asked them. I got smatterings of information here and there. And I got a second dressing down.
Because apparently I wasn't committed. For not showing up at meetings I didn't know existed.
Say what you want about dramafeste, I was busy. I was busy propping up my house. It's different for you, you weren't even propping up your house half the time. You know that.
If you think I owe you all an apology still.
I'd like to bloody hear why.
It fucking mystifies me.
Labels: open letter
