Sometimes I just feel so unappreciated, so unwanted. I just. I just feel terrible.
I don't even know why I bother. It's like I'm saying that too much, but it just seems to come to my mind all the time. People aren't supposed to reciprocate anything you throw their way but seriously, is it too much to ask to be cared for?
And it's not like I can stop. I'm just doing my best to care because it's what's right, it's what I do. And I just get tossed around like a stupid rag doll and I hate that.
I hate how I just looked around and realised that that just wasn't where I belong, and would never be. I was barking up the wrong tree. But I was trying my best to be good too.
I don't get how being good and keeping my conscience safe and well, just trying to do the right thing never seems to pay off. I try and try and try.
I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my stupid useless self.
And this will never be where I belong, because where I belong has sailed too far for too long.
And maybe that's just it. It's gone. It's all gone.
And I'll just be me. Forever.
Some comfort world?
You feel unwanted stupid Ian? You are unwanted. Go to hell.
*******************
After wondering strangely today why I still bothered with the Angel I realized.
It's all I have left to hold on to.
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Starstruck
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Because Cute, Smart, and Funny don't mean a thing
The above was supposed to be the real title, but trust me the blogskin screwed up on meLiving life to the fullest And I won't say anything at all. To all the lovely bitches like you Get your boots on |
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The trouble of not existing - Sunday, August 5, 2012 @ 9:08 PM
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The trouble of not existing - Sunday, August 5, 2012 @ 9:08 PM
Sometimes I just feel so unappreciated, so unwanted. I just. I just feel terrible.
I don't even know why I bother. It's like I'm saying that too much, but it just seems to come to my mind all the time. People aren't supposed to reciprocate anything you throw their way but seriously, is it too much to ask to be cared for? And it's not like I can stop. I'm just doing my best to care because it's what's right, it's what I do. And I just get tossed around like a stupid rag doll and I hate that. I hate how I just looked around and realised that that just wasn't where I belong, and would never be. I was barking up the wrong tree. But I was trying my best to be good too. I don't get how being good and keeping my conscience safe and well, just trying to do the right thing never seems to pay off. I try and try and try. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my stupid useless self. And this will never be where I belong, because where I belong has sailed too far for too long. And maybe that's just it. It's gone. It's all gone. And I'll just be me. Forever. Some comfort world? You feel unwanted stupid Ian? You are unwanted. Go to hell. ******************* After wondering strangely today why I still bothered with the Angel I realized. It's all I have left to hold on to. |
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 Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world. This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst. My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me. And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre. I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn. *hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.
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Credits:
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Inspiration .
Previous Posts: There comes a time ; Forested Glade ; No Frequency ; The Stars Don't Even Matter ; That spanish song ; Too much of a good thing ; For a while I'm shining ; Wasted ; Ministrel ; Distant ; Previous Months: November 1995 ; December 2009 ; January 2010 ; February 2010 ; March 2010 ; April 2010 ; May 2010 ; June 2010 ; July 2010 ; August 2010 ; September 2010 ; October 2010 ; November 2010 ; December 2010 ; January 2011 ; February 2011 ; March 2011 ; April 2011 ; May 2011 ; June 2011 ; July 2011 ; August 2011 ; September 2011 ; October 2011 ; November 2011 ; December 2011 ; January 2012 ; February 2012 ; March 2012 ; April 2012 ; May 2012 ; June 2012 ; July 2012 ; August 2012 ;
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