That I hate.
Funny how you say I don't say enough. I think I say too much.
I don't want to say this.
But if you want the truth, here it is.
Its not pleasant, but you seriously pissed me off with the way you just demanded an answer like that.
If I keep silent, I have my reasons. You don't force me. If I don't feel like saying something I have the right to.
You asked for this. So be it.
I treasure my friends. I treasure them a lot. I watch their back. They watch mine. For those that I trust, I'd do anything. I'd follow them to the ends of the earth and back. Do anything, to make them happy in any way I can.
You said you felt sorry. Fine. You felt sorry. And what, you want me to forgive you instantly?
Its your right?
Thats not much of a genuine sorry is it.
I'm pissed off. Still bloody pissed off at you and you want me to what, lay bare my heart to you?
You still expect me to trust you?
Its hard for you to stand up to them, to receive ridicule on my behalf, if you stand up for me. You'll get laughed at for a while. Its tough yes, but have you ever thought about how I get mocked by those people all the time?
Its not hard for me I suppose. I'm probably used to it.
But you know what? How am I supposed to trust you if you mock me alongside them, laugh with them, and sometimes even crack the cruel jokes that set them off.
You know what pisses me off the most? The fact that you told me and I know that you did exactly what you said is so hard for you to do right now for someone else in sec 1 and 2.
You defended him, and bore the consequences which sucked, but you made life a tonne better for him as well.
So you're telling me I'm not worth it, but other people are.
And that naturally pisses me off to no end.
Especially since I would've done the same for you.
Except now I don't know if I would.
You wanna know how badly it affected me last year? Well throughout my life I always had people watching my back. A someone to call a best friend. Or a bunch of close friends. p1 and p2. I bumbled my way through p3. Then p4 and p5. P6.
Sec 1 and 2. Then came Sec 3. But when my back needed watching you just let them come at me. You just did. When I called out to you, needed you, you weren't there.
It caused one of two huge problems that nearly made me kill myself last year.
So there. I don't trust you anymore.
And I'm not going to just give it back to you. Especially not if you demand it.
If you truly are sorry, then suck it up and take my cold distrust. I'm not flawless, I make my own mistakes, but I'm not wrong about this. I've said this before and I'll say it again, friendship works two ways and really I give my trust first.
But you broke it and lost it, and if you want it back buddy boy you gotta earn it.
And thats that
I belong in the real world.
Labels: open letter
