and I have to do everything

And it ends up as my problem, simply because I care the most.

Never mind that its their responsibility, never mind that it doesn't fall under my area of jurisdiction, since I you know need the stuff more I should do it.

Bloody hell.

Bloody internet, I have to fix it all the time. Even though, you know, I get back home latest in my family 50% of the time. Even though you have other people sitting around at home doing nothing.

I hate trying for people who don't try.

Bloody hell, don't tell me rehearsals are urgent and important cause we only have one more rehearsal left before the tech rehearsal.

Is that my fault ?

is it my fault all the rehearsals were randomly cancelled?

Is it my fault things moved this slow?

Is it my fault you could've started earlier?

Is it my fault you only decided to make it super important on wednesday.

You know like after it became important for me?

I am not bending this inch for you.

Because I'm already bent over and I'm sick of looking like a circus monkey.

I'm not your friend, and you never will be mine. You lost the right some two years ago. And you proved it over and over again since.

********************************

I need a shoulder to cry on.

Dammit.

Heaven just seems so out of reach sometimes.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.