Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table

While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.



Thats attitude man.

Damn Sara Bareilles is awesome.

Um..yeah thats a cover.

If you can't see it try full screening.

Zzt.

Go open todays Straits Times.

Then again, no need to open it.

Just read the front page news.

Life sucks.

I bet you've heard about the one about the miracles about your awesome brain power to unscramble stuff as long as the first letter and last letters remain unscrambled.

I don't believe it.



ufgbiarvolne

Unscramble that geniuses

its unforgivable.


rgesesnihtuos

got that?


righteousness

TEAK TAHT YOU HUCOS POUCS CARKCOPT BOUGS SIICSTENTS

UTTALMIE AM I

VRTOCIY IS MNIE


heh.

I win.

Labels: my weird opinion, rant

Its been a long time.

Too long in fact.

But the bitch is back.

Time to bitch about HOTMAILLLLLLLLLL

I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING HAPPEN WHEN THEY CLICK ON THE BUTTONS RIIIGHT?

I mean seriously? Wth?

The least you ask of an email service is that it shows you your inbox and lets you read your mail.

Well dear hotmail I don't give a shit how much storage space or how little storage space you give me. Or how awesome you can make attachments.

Its means bull if I can't freaking READ MY MAIL.

How the hell am I supposed to.

Before you accuse me of being a utter nuthead and idiot this is what I do.

I log in.

I press inbox. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO THAT WTH.

I click on the unread messages/message.

and *Drumrolls*

NOTHING HAPPENS.

I refresh the page.
Click it again.

I refresh the page.

Click it. once.

Leave it for 5 minutes.

NOTHING HAPPENs .

I refresh the page.

Click it twice..


NOTHING HAPPENS .

SO TELL ME HOW THE SHT IM SUPPOSED TO READ THE SHIT IN MY INBOX.

SCREW YOU HOTMAIL.

GO BACK TO YOUR OLD FORMAT>

GOOOOOOOOOOOO BACAACCCKK


Problem is only resolved by closing tab.
Waiting 5 minutes.

And reopening hotmail

If problem is still there.

Repeat.

and repeat until problem no longer occurs.

I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Tripping

Fumbling

Sinking

Tumbling

So clumsy cause I am fallin in love.


Oh yeah I tripped on ice when I saw her face that day.

it hurt.

But it felt oh so good.

Boy I'd trip again.

And again and again.


You got me tripping.

Gosh my titles are getting scrappy aint they


Grr....


My posts are getting scrappy too.

Calm down, try not to think about the half an hour restriction that you will supersede and utterly ignore in 11 minutes.

I just can't get enough of christmas duets.

No.

Duets.

Here have a sample.

Ahhh the holiday strains.



Shit I need a person.

Doesn't need to be a romantic interest, just a person to sing duets like that with me.

Yes there are hearts swirling around my head right now.

bad sign.

But oh so wonderfulllllllllll!

How far would you go for it


:/

Well a trip down to bugis is set for me.

At least for now.

Hmmmm how to get away from my parents.

Aha.


Lie.

"school is coming"

According to her.

So for now

Im being frozen out

0ut..

Vereh vereh badly

I hate it.

I also hate how all my inspiration vanished the moment I booted up the computer.

Soo....Im not going to be posting as much as I normally do.

Grrr.

WATCH NITE WATCH NITE WATCH NITE WATCH NITE

Zzt. Brain not working.

You so have to stop grabbing quizzes of Saman's blog



TEN ARE YOU(s)

1.) Are you single – Ouch. Shut up.
2.) Are you happy – Usually. I guess.
3.) Are you bored – Why else am I doing this damned quiz.
4.) Are you fair – Yeah right, I wish
5.) Are you Italian – Nooooooo.
6.) Are you intelligent – Intelligence is relative. :/
7.) Are you selfish – I like to think not
8.) Are you nice – I try to be. When I feel like it.
9.) Are you Irish – Nope, but I can do a passable Irish accent. (I think)
10.) Are you Asian – HELL YEAH YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT TODAY HUH? WANNA HAVE A GO AT MY ASIAN MUSCLES HUH???

TEN FACTS

1.) Full Name – Zzt. Not telling YOU. If you don't know it. You shouldn't be here
2.) Age - 15
3.) Birth place – Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
4.) Hair color – Black, just black.
5.) Natural hair style – Fluctuates and constantly evolves. Currently its wavy with a parting off centre to my right. Its long cause it hasn't been cut in months.
6.) Eye color – Black, technically its brown cause black isnt a valid eye colour but heck with it, I dont see the brown.
7.) Birthday – Double five people. Double Five.
8.) Mood – Sardonic, somewhat irritable mood.
9.) Favorite color – I can't decide man...THESE PAST FEW WEEKS ITS BEEN HOT RED. BUT ONLY THESE PAST FEW WEEKS YA'LLLL
10.) One place you'd love to visit – A wonderful park beside a lake where you can gaze out onto city lights, and a bench for you to sit on with someone.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE- Uh oh uh oh..

1.) Have you ever been in love – Yes
2.) Do you believe in love at first sight – Yes
3.) Do you currently have a crush? – Maybe more.
4.) Have you ever been hurt emotionally – YOU HAVEN'T? HUH?
5.) Have you ever broken someone's heart – I sure hope not.
6.) Have you ever had your heart broken – YOU HAVEN'T? HUH? ARE YOU A 10 YEAR OLD OR A FREAAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
7.) Have you ever liked someone but never told them – need i say? Yeah. Sucks.
8.) Are you afraid of commitment – Not really.
9.) Who was the last person you hugged – People run away from me when I try to hug them. It sucks.
10.) Who was the last person you said I love you to – I dont like this question. I won't answer it.


TEN THIS OR THAT

1.) Love or Lust – Love
2.) Hard liquor or beer – COkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee
3.) Cats or dogs – Dogs
4.) A few best friends or any regular friends – A few best friends
5.) Creamy or Crunchy – Cruncheeeeeeee
6.) Pencil or Pen – Pencil, I love pencils
7.) Wild night out or romantic night – Mannnuh I uh really can't choose. Ask me again tomorrow.
8.) Money or Happiness – Dammit if you can get high without cash thats good enough.
9.) Night or day – Twilight. Not the series idiots.
10.) IM or phone – Msn. Whee.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER

1.) Been caught sneaking out – Nope. Emphasis on the caught.
2.) Seen a polar bear – -.- YOU HAVENT?
3.) Done something you regret – Hmmm this quiz?
4.) Bungee Jumped – No
5.) Eaten food that fell on the floor – Guilty
6.) Finished an entire jaw breaker – Um, neva.
7.) Been caught naked – God, no.
8.) Smoked – No
9.) Wanted to disappear – Always.
10.) Kissed the same gender – No.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER

1.) Smile or eyes – Smile
2.) Light or dark hair – Dark.
3.) Hugs or Kisses – Ooh gosh. Erm..
4.) Shorter or taller – I hate you people. I HATE ALL YOU GIRLS WHO ANSWER TALLER TO THIS QUESTION, UNLESS OF COURSE YOURE SHORTER THAN 163CM.
5.) Intelligence or attraction – Attraction!
6.) Topshop or Zara – wot?
7.) Funny or serious – Funny.
8.) Older or Younger – +6 -6. Haha
9.) Outgoing or quiet – Outgoing, talking makes me tired.
10.) Sweet or Bad – Im stuck in the middle, preferably random enough to be both.

TEN HAVE YOU

1.) Ever performed in front of a large crowd – Gosh, yeah.
2.) Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour – No.
3.) Ever tried walking on your hands – Emphasis on tried. Yes.
4.) Ever been to a rock concert – No
5.) Ever been on a cheerleading team –.-
6.) Ever been on a dance team – No
7.) Ever been on a sports team – Yes
8.) Ever been in a drama play/production – Yeah
9.) Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, hummer or Bentley? – Age: 15
10.) Ever been in a rap video? – Hmmm, you set me thinking.

TEN... LASTS

1.) Last phone call you made – Zenas
2.) Last person you hung out with – Well, um cg people. Haha.
3.) Last time you worked – Never.
4.) Last person you talked to – Hmm talk or talk talked or. Zzt. Brother, im in the house.
5.) Last person you IM'd – hmmm, Jun An
6.) Last person you texted – Zenas
7.) Last person(s) you went to the movies with – Family.
8.) Last person/thing you missed – er...
9.) Last website you visited –I got many tabs open right now, Premierleague.com, Nadia's blog, um Saman's blog, gmail, kongregate.com
10.)Last kiss you had -

I HATEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUU

SO MUCH IM JUST GONNA STOP HERE AND PRESS PUBLISH.

ITS THE END OF THE DAMEND QUEZ ANEEWAZ

IM LIKE GONNA

DO SOMETHING ELSE

YEAH WATCH OUT

I'm just drowning now.

Voices, chatter, endless, ceaseless, unrelenting chatter.

Whispering evils to me.

All encompassing, dark, surrounding. Like vultures of the night, they circle. Quietly, waiting for that moment of weakness to show itself. And to attack it. To amplify that little fear. It balloons, blossoms into something...something else.

Its a struggle. A never ending struggle. A fight with that creature, a fight against the dark. To master the fear, and not let the fear master you.

Insecurity rules you.

Rules me at least.

It works its way into every single facet of your being. Growing stronger and stronger all the time. It never lessens. Every misstep you take, every word you fumble, that tiny little grammatical error, leaves you even more off-balance than before. You become apologetic, overtly so, afraid to run, jump, walk, crawl, move.

Paralyzing fear.

Fear of, being not good enough, fear of looking bad, fear of becoming something lesser than something in everyone else's eyes. A powerful dark driving force. Everything you do becomes dependent on it.

Soon you start to withdraw, let your personality effuse away. You learn to shut up. You learn to disappear, after all its better to be unnoticed all the time than to be hated.

Its better that people don't see you for the monstrosity that you are.

After a while, people stop asking why you are so quiet. You just are. You miss a day at school, they don't notice. Even if they do, they don't say anything about it. Its normal.

Eventually you realize that whats the point of pretending you aren't there.
Just don't be.

Don't just hide your existence.

Erase it.

Labels: stories

Infinite High.

Thats what you get if you listen to Your Love is My Drug.

Ke$ha is a genius.

I'm being bloody serious.

I could just sit in my room for hours listening over to that song getting really high and crazy.

Its in the mixpod. LISTEN TO IT LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arguments out of a pretty mouth are unanswerable.

Joseph Addison

My mind automatically juxtaposed that quote onto a picture.

Moments later, so did I.

The above is what you get from everyone nowadays.

At least over here.

Makes you wonder really how many of the people are lying.

And how many really mean it.

Its also scary how so many bright bubbly wonderful people hurt so much inside.

Secretly crying in their bedrooms, over things that have happened.

No one holds it in completely.

At least not forever, not without going crazy.

But yet, they, we still want to, but yet they can't.

And so they cry out, silently, in their own way.

And maybe, those of you whose life don't really suck that much should stop complaining.

And look around, and maybe, try to start the healing.

I'm writing a song.

Unfortunately its a duet.

Progress has stalled.

It feels weird to just write one by myself.

Then again, I do write stories from both male and female perspective.

Still...

Haha really I'm just looking for more songwriters out there.

I defintely know a few.

Though don't know any girls who actually do.

Hmm Hmmm Hmm Hmm Hmmm..



I always get a vague feeling that I'm creepy in a certain way.

I think I may not be wrong this time.

He stepped onto the bus, and a familiar sight greeted him. A hot girl, sitting on her own, occupying the outer seat, in his mind, a not so subtle warning: I kinda don't want freaky people sitting next to me. Normally this would be enough to deter him, but today wasn't a normal day. Normally he was overtly timid, but after a whole night of talking big with his friends he had come to his own misguided conclusion.

People in this damned country were just too timid.

They had used him as an example, and it had hurt, cause it was oh so true.

But not today.

Bad day, she thought, the bus had been full of creepy old men, so many so that she checked her calender to make sure that it wasn't retirees day or something. They had leered at her as she got on the bus. No thank you she thought. Naturally, she still wanted to sit down, but stood until two empty seats were available.
Obviously she couldn't stop them from ogling her, but she was used to it, and the moment the empty seat became available, she parked herself on it, naturally in the aisle seat. Bloody old perverts she thought, none of them would dare to shove past her for the window seat.

Then He stepped on the bus. With his messy hair, lopsided grin and disgusting fashion sense, she knew he was trouble. She looked down and hoped he wouldn't spot her and cursed under her breath as he came her way. She didn't need to look, she could smell the damned stench of onion and garlic on his breath. As her drew near, she looked up and gave him the most uninterested look she could summon. He looked straight into her eyes, perhaps fancying himself attractive, and she looked away quickly, damn he was good.

She didn't move aside, if she was going down, she wouldn't surrender so easily. But he grinned and said in a rather loud voice, "Hey miss, do you mind moving in?"

Suddenly feeling the gazes of everyone in the bus on her, her cheeks flushed red and she moved in meekly. She tried to gaze out of her window and ignore the eyesore to her left as he sat down triumphantly. She couldn't help herself, she looked and instantly regretted it for that stupid smile it brought to his damned ugly face.

She was trapped now, she couldn't just move away, not after she had just moved in, besides, she would have to ask him to move, he was simply too big to squeeze past, especially if she didn't want to make eye contact.

She pressed herself against the bloody window, and plugged herself into her music. Trying to appear as warm and as interested in him as a dead fish. Dead fish she thought, cold, still kinda wet, incapable of reacti..

"Hey what song is that?"

"Vanilla Twilight"

Bugger, screw her helpful nature, now he would think he had made progress.

This was going to be a long bus ride.

A disgusting goalless draw.


I hate you Roy Hodgson.

Especially since you subbed off the two players on the pitch who were performing the best.

And Skrtel was doing well too.

-.-

Hey Hodgson how about this

_1_

Dammit NESV sack him already.

Ah, you find gems like this from time to time.
Worth the hours of endless google trawling.

I've always heard it as you're the only place I wanna be.

Lolz.

Makes sense too.

Wondrous eyes.

Dreamy Eyes.

"Eyes with Depth"

Nice eyes

Green eyes

He had deep green eyes, gorgeous green eyes, and when you stared in to them, they looked back at you, boring deep into your soul, exposing your being, making you feel, that he knew..everything, your struggles, who you were. Dark, alluring, just a little bit unsettling.


Zzt, girls keep talking about stuff like that.

I need eyes like that.

Oh yeah.

With guys its hair, her slim svelte figure, those luscious lips, rosy cheeks, a firm body, beautiful face.

With girls its just eyes. So much so that it makes me feel sick.

-.-

Time to ditch the glasses.

XD

Typography is soooooooo an art form.

Going out to.

Taylor Swift.

You're my inspiration. I thank you for the times your music has uplifted me, the advice you've dispensed, the private moments of your life that you gave up to the world for their entertainment. For teaching me to dream again, for showing me the way. For being true to yourself, and letting me realize the importance of that.

Thank you so very much for everything.

Happy 21st birthday, and I wish you many many many more.

Keep on shining.

I hate how I keep forgetting to download that song. I still don't have it.

When I feel like doing typography I use google images to get the images. So none of them are from me lol.

I wanted to use this picture at first, but upon a closer look I realized it was a work of art in itself. Would have been a terrible insult to just put words on it


It took me at least an hour to get this bloody image.
Was looking for one with a silhouette of a person in it.
Until I realized that maybe I didn't need one.



I used Bradley hand Itc for Call my name and save me, as well as wake me up.

Dark is um Edwardian script ITC

Bring me to life is in Segoe Script

Evanescence is in Blackadder ITC.

If the font doesn't look like that thats cause I bolded it.

All are default fonts with this com, I'm not that crazy.

P.S, since I'm stupid, I always use M.S paint.

I find Kristen ITC and Tempus Sans as well as Curlz useful as well.

Zzt since when are you a typography junkie Ian.

Zzt.

Shitz I are overusing that word again.

Dammit I forgot to put watermark again.

Ah heck, not like any of you would be as despicable as to steal it.

Not that any of you would care to, your blogs aren't that emo. Are they?

I just realized I want exactly one person to view me as another guy.

Zzt.

Just one.

For the rest of you.

I'm different.

Zzt, found out that we were only gonna do one song.

Found out that we were splitting the youths into four parts, the three hour rehearsal suddenly seemed inadequate.

Had a lot of fun laughing at everyone else who were afraid of singing but still dared to turn up.

Found out that Pastor Tim can sing really low notes, so low that it becomes scary.

Found out that I accidentally arranged a three part harmony, so Awesomee!!!

Found out that you can take charge simply because no one else knows anything to do.
Somewhat.

Haha.

Found out that in the four choir sections. Bass and Tenor for guys, and Alto and Soprano for girls, I can qualify for Alto.

Also scary.

Haha.

Also found out that my basic theory needs severe brushing up after 2 years of disuse.
Zzt, whatever you learnt in MEP is slowly fading away. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE.

Realized that embarrassment does not fade, it gets worse and worse everytime someone praises you, especially when all you can say is thank you and blush, then you look somewhere else and concentrate on doing the stuff that they are praising you for, then rush off to somewhere else you are in demand.

Wot?

Don't worry, I didn't get that either.

Hey,
Funny how this isn't very important, but Im writing a confessional to you anyway. Funny how there's so much unimportant stuff that I just feel like I have to say to you. Funny enough that I have to even write this. Well, um, first an apology if I really tick you off at times, trust me I never mean it. Well, almost never. Okay, fine the last time wasn't so long ago, but I'm sorry, I just well, I guess I never really wanted to grow up, so sorry if my sometimes overtly childish tendencies piss you off at times. I realize I can be really hard to deal with, and what you said the other day made me realize that I still talk too much, I'll work on that. Problem is my own insecurities, I try and get attention despite being a natural introvert, awkward...

But point is, I really don't mean to fight, and I know you don't either. So.. maybe this love/hate thing could still work without the hate part. Not to say that I love you. Haha um...no definitely not, not in that way, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you dont. Zzt.

So, um stick around, I really could use more female friends. Yes, call me a freak but I dont seem to be able to make close friends with guys.

In a boys school, this makes me stand out, really bad.

:/ I was supposed to end there. Like before the point about the boys school.

Ah heck screw it, its not like you're gonna bother anyway.



Oh yeah going Carol-lin!!!

Oh yeaaaah.

I mean like

YYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

CSI Miami style.

XD

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Zzt.

Zzt, I really wish I could write lyrics like that one day.

Thats it, I am making a list of sudden urges I get. Have gotten.
There are too many.

1. Burning people, violently
2. Stabbing people, violently
3. Getting a hot pink shirt
4. Buying a ukelele
5. Strangling people, violently

Dammit I need to put this list somewhere. Somewhere accessible.

6. Snapping my fingers. (fufilled)
7. Know a person called Alison (this alternates with Name my daughter Alison)
8. Shout Kiyooooooooooooooooo!
9. Sing a duet, with somebody, anybody.
10. Hug somebody I don't know
11. Win
12. Let out a whoop, as loud as I can
13. Reblogging stuff.
14. Hugging images on the computer screen
15. Sound exactly like someone else
16. Teleport around

Oh what light shines through yonder window
For that is the east, and she is the sun
oh rise fair sun, and kill the envious moon
who is pale and sick with grief,
that thou her maid art more fair than she.

torture,
every singleminutesecondhourdaymiliseconditdoesntmatterthatthereisnodifference

Crazy.
I am.

Finished am I.

Oh to taste the forbidden fruit.

Oh to linger one more day, one more minute, one more repetitive key.

One more blogpost.

This time I've got it and I've got it bad.

The way she moves the way she talks the way she laughs the way she fingers her hair, the way she stands the way she sits the way she looks on as I make an idiot out of myself. Tripping, stumbling, flipping, tumbling, clumsy.

Oh but this is crazy.

Oh Ian, thou art screwed, but to keep thine heart away for her for a while would be too much to ask for you. But yet you must, because..
You have to.

And thus dear beloved one you are fated to suffer.

Fated to be in misery.

Fated to gaze from afar, or when that is not possible, you are fated to imagine.

Go ahead imagine.

Falling in love, is stupid.

But you neva gonna hit da jackpot if you dont by da lottery ticket.

And sometimes those tickets get really expensive.

But sometimes those tickets just feel righter.

And sometimes they just look oh so good.


Oh Ian thou art crazy.

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight.
For I never saw true beauty till this. Um. Night.

The way she lets her hair fall to one side of her face, looking fixatedly, a slight smile on her lips, looking intently, so not at me.

Ouch.

Hmm, I dunno what to say when someone asks me if I'm adventurous.

Personally I like to think that I'm reckless and really crazy. Some of you will agree on the crazy bit. But I can really be obsessive and paranoid at times to.
Thus, along came a quiz.



Do this and repost it with the title: I've done __ out of the 132 stupid things.

Level 1
( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( ) Drank Alcohol

This is um level one? Does it mean its pretty okay to do these stuff? not by my book.

Level 2
(X) Are / Been In Love
( ) Been Dumped
(X) Shoplifted (didnt expect this did you?)
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 3

Level 3
(X) Had A Crush On An Older Person (Gosh, Ian have you ever loved a younger person)
( ) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die ( ants....)


SO FAR: 5

Level 4
( ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Italy
(X) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 6

Level 5
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding (SkiiNGG!!!)
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit (wots a mosh pit)

SO FAR: 6

Level 6
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Love/loved Someone Who You Can’t Have
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By (More like staring into space)
( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 9

Level 7
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding (...wot?)
( ) Played Dress Up (God no...)

SO FAR: 9

Level 8
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledging
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game (Never compete with Ian, he will win at all costs)
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 14

Level 9
( ) Watched The Sun Set [alone.]
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed a snake

SO FAR: 14

Level 10
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized ( I have been vandalized, yep)
( ) Been cheated on
(X) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 17

Level 11
(X) Won A Contest (You really dont want to know)
( ) Been Suspended From School
( ) Had Detention
( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 18

Level 12
(X) Had/Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(not a night, but nevertheless, it was the day)
( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 20

Level 13
(X) Hated he Way You Look
(X) Witnessed A Crime (Littering)
( ) Pole Danced
(X) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 23

Level 14
( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
(X) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 27

Level 15
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 32

Level 16
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made a Prank Phone Call (I was inspired by taylor swift, I failed)
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 35

Level 17
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About (watching the sun set by yourself is so...sad)
(X) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 38

Level 18
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 40

Level 19
(x) Worn Pearls ( you..wouldnt believe)
(X) Jumped Off A Bridge
(X) Swore at the teacher
( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 43

Level 20
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top (Raja block)

SO FAR: 45

Level 21
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(X) Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 47

Level 22
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(X) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 49

Level 23
(X) Believed In Ghosts (I believe in them dammit)
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
(X) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 51

Level 24
(X) Played Chicken
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger (I wish..)
( ) Broken A Bone
(X) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 53

Level 25
( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
( ) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 55

Level 26
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someone’s Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X)Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 59

Level 27
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
( ) Had A Cavity
(X) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 63

Level 28
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
( ) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 66

Level 29
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(X) Flattened someone’s tires (yes...)
( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

TOTAL: 67 out of 132.

Wonderful. Didnt expect to get exactly the same as Saman though :/
They seem to just come in spurts. Volatile, like moiz.

Gosh, I always thought Hayley williams looked like a kid, till now.
whee

Sighs. And so the riot has lasted a few hours.

Gotta calm down.

My parents have no clue how much they owe the internet.

How much they owe the writers of funny blogs.

And my weird obsessions.

I hate how I'm so forgiving.

I'm just going to stay away from home as much as I possibly can.

Or I'll cry and not be able to live.

Something happened. I'm staying in here for a few more hours.

Sighs.

I just realized why I like this blogskin.

Love and hate. Thats all I really talk about here.

Awesome combo don't ya think?

Feeling really down still.

Though Im smiling cause Im doing it again.

Cyberstalking.

You made it so easy Pat.

XD

Gasps, should I tell her? The blog seems kinda private, even though it is dead and public.

"um hi, sorry but I was stalking you online, I feel really guilty about it, so I'm apologizing."

Not a conversation you want to have.

Then obviously the other question would be uhh..do you still have a boyfriend?

No wait.

Stopppp.

Idiot.

Freak.

This inability to untype stuff here on the blog will be my doing.

Maybe there should be a limit to stuff like that. Cause absolutes really dont work.
I am gonna risk it all on the fact that a certain someone won't come here and connect the dots.
And that another certain someone won't bother to.

And that another certain someone won't come here.

And that yet another certain someone won't come here and freak out.

And that yet another certain someone won't read this and counsel me.

Cause thats what that yet another certain someone does.

Oh also that yet another crazy someone can actually keep a secret.

shit thats a lot of risks.

of course ummm 3 and 5 have a moderate probability of not coming true, but yes 5 is bad. 4 is really bad, but it is never going to happen. 1 is nearly as bad too, but there is only a slim chance.
6 is a disaster that will occur regardless of whether or not I publish this.

If the delete button and the publish button were closer I would actually be you know, swinging my cursor back and forth between them. But...

Gosh. this is really hard.

Close your eyes.

I've been wasting hoping you would come around.
I've been giving you chances everytime. And all you do is let me down. Each and every single time. Cutting me down. Its taking me this long but I dont trust you anymore. I won't trust you. Thats it. This is the end of the line. Until maybe one day, you get it in your stupid fucked up head that saying sorry is actually something you have to do and mean. Its not just that you dont say it. You don't mean it. You never mean it. Every single fucking time its me backing off. Backing down. I dont know what the fuck is going to happen now, but I'm past caring, you took the final straw a long time ago and didn't seem to care, its about time you took a look at yourself and stopped trampling all over me.
No more.
Fuck the consequences. You do something about this. This is your mess, has been and always will be, I am sick of fucking up my life so you are happy. Fuck you. I don't give a shit anymore.

My life is a nightmare because of you.
Everything I do, you smother me, no freedom, no nothing, no fucking life. You have no fucking idea how much you screwed up my life don't you. You have no fucking idea how much it still is, because of you.

I was happy for the past few days, without your seeing your fucking face, I was happier in London too, cause you weren't fucking there.
I can't take it anymore. Other people lead normal lives. Its time I started fighting for my own. I've lost too much already.

Lets see how long I have to camp in this fucking room. Or how long I can stay out. We shall see. Its a simple dash to the door. I have enough cash to last months and you know it. I can stay in this room for weeks too.

Of course but you don't know all the days, nights I spent thinking about jumping. Cause this life didnt seem worth living anymore. Its not getting better, just worse. Only friends stopped me. They didn't know of course, but I realized that people actually care about me. That people are capable of treating others equally. That not everyone is a fucking megalomaniac. but of course. You wont change won't you. Not until you see a fucking suicide note and you stare at my dead broken body will you realize you fucked up big time.

But no. I cant. I'm not strong enough. I don't even have the courage to sit on the retardedly spacious ledge outside my window. I can't leave my friends behind. Can't leave them wondering if it was their fault. Leave them to wonder if they could have stopped it and possibly traumatise some of them. Leave them to start wondering if their own situations were as bad as mine. Lastly I can't, its not against my beliefs.

That comes to another gigantic fucking problem doesnt it? Straight in the ten commandments honour thy father and mother. Thats been a huge reason why I've been so afraid. All those passages about rebellion, if they even do exist. I cant'.

If I give anymore. I won't be me.

Which is why in this great time of need. I can't go to God. Not now. However warped it sounds.
I hate you. My mind is getting screwed up cause of you.

Honestly right now, if you died. I wouldn't fucking care. Its okay, I can eat takeout everyday, wash my own clothes, iron, hang them. I won't miss your suffocating presence, your condescending gazes, you attacking me and condemning me for fighting back, your scorn, your derision.
When was the last time you helped me when I was in need.
When was the last time I was in need and it wasn't because of you.

I'm sorry you all had to read this.
I can't say all of this you know.
to any of you specifically too.
Don't be quick to judge really...
You don't know what its like.

i felt like crying on tuesday morning. Like I am now. It was 4am, at Zenas' place and were just playing the Xbox. His parents were in the house and they knew, and they let him, let us. Simple stuff like that. And that was only my 2nd ever sleepover in my life too. the simple trust and freedom. You people are truly blessed.

They say with the firstborn child, its mainly trial and error. Quite a few parents have told me this themselves. Yet despite knowing this, with my parents there is no compromise. Nothing. No compromise. They are never wrong. Even if they are blatantly wrong, pointing it out and requesting a change gets you screwed.

dont tag about this yea? That is if you really lack any common sense.

I could still use a few people to talk to. Get what I mean?
Haha...
Not funny.