I was sitting on the bus today, with my emotions all in a mix when a girl came up. She made to sit, then when I turned and looked at her she backed away, as if scared and moved on.

:/

****************************************************

Yay my role got shifted from the ultra tough role of Red.

Or not so yay. Sighs, one of the understudys have to play that role now, I'm afraid its going to kill them. I was dying myself and I thought I was finally getting the heck of it.

Now I'm yellow, and I'm finding the experience a little bothersome. Its a young character, naive and child-like and I found that when I play the character I just let down my walls and play it out like myself inside.

Just this vulnerable hesitant human being.

Its messing with their mind, cause that part of me isn't meant to be shown to the world, and I can't just snap in and out of it.

Its literally wearing my heart on my sleeve there. And considering how stupidly and easily hurt I am its going to cause problems eventually.

It already did I guess. If I'm upset I won't be able to suck it up and move on like I normally do. I'll end up looking all melancholy and depressed and people will start asking me which part of my sky fell down.

Its a part of me that though it works in the play, in a sense it doesn't work with the real world. It cannot live in the real world.

Sighs.

My character dies by the way.

Thats totally awesome

Labels: fragments, myself, RP

So imagine. You're on the escalator. Kinda blocking it. Talking to your friends . When suddenly you hear a thin high pitched uppity voice.

"Excuse me."

You move aside quickly as you see a middle-aged woman, chin held high, dressed in a suit and pencil skirt. As she strides past you dragging her kid behind she says as if to herself but loud enough so that theres no way you and your friends can miss it in a derogatory tone dripping with acid and scorn.

"Don't know how to stand on the left of the escalator."

Ohohoh I was LIVID.

Firstly. Standing on the left of the escalator is an established convention only in western countries, though I know of it, not many Singaporeans actually do. So there.

Secondly and this is the good part I mean. What a bitch, my goodness what a bitch. The rudeness was just unbelievable. It was totally unnecessary even if the person did know to do that.

Thirdly and lastly now just think for a moment. What if you were a bunch of old people. Do you think she would have said that? No?

How about a bunch of huge massive folks with large chests and an average height of 1.8m no? Why not?

Why not a bunch of wiry youths with tattoos on their arms?

Obviously she chose a bunch of harmless looking teenagers. As harmless as I can look. Well pretty harmless when I want to. I suppose because we looked young.

Such cowardice, I can't stand it.

If she hadn't strode off quickly and if it hadn't been so unexpected I would have sorely given her a piece of my mind.

It would be totally unacceptable to lambast anyone like that. But unfortunately it seems in Singapore its okay to pick on students. Which is disgusting and a case of discrimination.

Its become the norm to see Forum letters in the straits times complaining about "students", "inconsiderate students" and even "inconsiderate male students".

Think about it, just replace it with, "middle-aged people", "inconsiderate middle-aged people" and "inconsiderate middle-aged females".

Even worse , how about considering student an occupation like the government does.

"Office workers", "female office workers".

This discrimination extends to ridiculousness, for example there was an irate letter from an anonymous poster to the straits times online forum berating "inconsiderate students" who were "pushing out of the train and not letting other commuters get on".

Clearly people on the train have the right to alight first. Secondly, why students? Was she saying that only students did that? And if so, so what?

It is obvious that it has been deemed okay for people to pick on students in our culture here in Singapore, if not for the fact that we're younger ,then for the fact that we seem more placid.

This is a clear form of discrimination and as loose a description as "student" is, I suppose we should stand up for our rights and not stand for such undue behaviour and scorn. Clearly if people have the gall to be rude to students we have the right to be rude back.

The next time I see that woman I will surely give her a piece of my mind. I will probably have a witty rejoinder. But of course just perhaps, I might decide to use the rejoinder my father offered up.

"Excuse me, could you please not be bitchy?"

And to hell with her if she replies.

Labels: hypocrisy, my weird opinion, rant

Shuffling back forth left right up down centre.

Do this do that, take a break, you stand in, wait, new idea.

Crap we aren't going anywhere.

Bother

*********************************************************

You're cool, seriously.

Its ridiculous how you think you're not.

You said that the difference between me and you is that you are more assured with yourself.

Maybe you don't know this, but I'm kinda okay with myself apart from self assurance.

So really if I end up like you. Thats no problem for me.

Perhaps I'll be happier if I was a little more wacky and a little less serious.

Because life sure ain't fun if you take the fun out of it.

Duh.

Also, I'll never be unemployed. At the most, just temporarily self-employed.

There is a difference.

Ahaha.

Labels: fragments, myself, open letter

Labels: feelings, fragments, paint

So thats it huh?

Thats how you want to play?

After one week of doing nothing. And just when I thought things might actually work out.

So heres what. They won't.

You don't feel like it. What about me huh?

Its always about you. You don't feel like washing the damned clothes, washing my damned shoes, don't feel like cooking dinner randomly and sometimes lunch, and you complain when I eat out and come back. Even though you don't do anything else.

I shouldn't do this, because YOU don't think I should do this. YOU think I'm not studying enough.

Well how about this for a change. I don't feel like studying. I don't want to come back home after a day out at school and wash my shoes and plates because I don't feel like it. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. Sound reasonable to you?

I don't want to listen to you because I DON'T FEEL LIKE It. I don't tell you when I'm coming home because I DON'T FEEL LIKE coming home.

Its always about you, nothing else, you and your huge ego or whatever . Just Fuck off, I've had enough.

I've never tried to assert my superiority. My problem is that you think you're the fucking centre of the universe. You and him included. In fact he's worse than you.

I can't believe it took me so long to get it. You didn't have me so you could raise a child, you had me cause I suppose YOU felt like having a child.

Obviously I should be spending 7 hours every fucking day studying because YOU DON'T FEEL that your offspring should be wallowing in mediocrity, and fuck what it does to me, because it doesn't affect how you feel.

Obviously what happens to other people doesn't matter. Obviously you wouldn't care if I died except for the fact that people would ask awkward questions. And people would whisper nasty rumours about the family whose eldest son jumped off a building.

Well I stopped caring if you died or not a long time ago, and just when I started caring again.

Its not going to get better this time, because I DON'T FEEL LIKE making it better.

How about that.

Bitch.

Labels: hypocrisy, open letter, rant

Just after school today, I walked to the soccer field.

The weather looked good, for the first time in weeks, then it started to drizzle.

And then just one hour later there wasn't a cloud in the sky and the sun was bright, hot, and taking its toll on me.

Half an hour on, it continued to mock me as I made my way home under its heat. I felt sluggish, and still do. I successfully made my way home, and no sooner had I finished bathing than I had to rush to my window and close it.

For the damned sky was pouring water. It hasn't rained in weeks urgh. And of course it decided to not rain while I was running around underneath the sun, despite all indicators that it would.

I hate you weather. Lemme alone.

Urgh.

Labels: fragments

Okay so I got this song I heard on the tv.

I got the commercial. Its for the D'leedon condo in Singapore.

I got the lyrics.

Got the world wrapped around my finger
Got the moonbeams on a string
Got a new romance
I'm taking a chance on love

Got a song I can't stop singing
Got the time to take my time
I'm swinging on that star
I'm hearing soft guitars
I'm in love

You see the clouds roll by
The big blue sky
It's way up high
And as the years go by
We'll know that sky
Was made for you and I

Got the world wrapped around my finger
Got the moonbeams on a string
Got a new romance
I'm taking a chance on love

I even got a freaking yahoo answers page with someone else who's trying to find out what the song is.

http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110217184947AALxIRE

And this time, I still can't find the song.

sigh.

Labels: music, song

Today I stumbled upon the pictures of two Libyan men. Or what used to be Libyan men.

You could only see their heads, chest and arms. Still attached to each other. Their insides were spilling out.

Where the rest of their bodies were, I don't know.

The power of the people is a terrifying thing. Revolution, is impossible to stop. Countless empires have been downed by the mob.

People are willing to die for change. I've heard it said that these people, are in essence dead people. And that you have more to fear from these "dead" than the living.

Despite the barbaric usage of violence in the country, the revolution has not been quelled. Thats exactly what revolutions are. When people get so angry that violence does nothing to them. Even in this modern age, when unarmed protesters have to deal with helicopters and in the case of Libya, bombs and snipers even, they still forge on.

Because the only things that bombs and tanks and guns can do is kill. And if they do not fear that? How else can they be stopped.

The Libyan men may have been stopped by such things, and possibly dismembered by government forces, but the revolution moves on, and the dead will live on as heroes.

There is no stopping the will of the people, perhaps Gaddafi should've known. After all, how were so many of the dynasties of mighty ancient China overthrown, especially the last one of them all.

Death for freedom. To fight for peace. To die for peace.

Such self-sacrifice. Not for a loved one, not for self. But for a people group, greater than you can know. For the good of the nation. For the freedom of everyone else but you.

Courage that few of us in the world can actually match.

Lucky indeed we are, that we do not need to fight for our freedom. Or even in the pushing of our rights, we do not have a government that will set snipers upon non-violent protesters.

Men of Libya, and also, Egypt, I salute you.

For the greatest thing one can do, even if one lives for nothing, is to die for something.

Labels: my weird opinion

AK4711 - Rock - FIFA06 Soundtrack MP3 Download

Who on earth said Game soundtracks sucked.

Need to find the download.

Before it gets stuck on my download list for another 6 months.

Haha anyway I've been wondering what this song means for a while.

Lyrics and rough translation. (I made it as coherent as possible) :

Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!

Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss - du bist so süss
Du bist so süss in deinem zuckersüssen
Rock!

Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss - du bist so süss
Du bist so süss in deinem zuckersüssen

Ich glaub, ich beiss dir gleich ins Bein
Es muss aus Zuckerwatte sein
Oder vielleicht ins Dekollete
Es schimmert so wie ein Baiser
Du bist so süss - du bist so süss
Du bist so süss in deinem zuckersüssen Rock!

Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so-- so --so --so --so süss
In deinem zuckersüssen...

Und dann hätte ich vielleicht noch Lust
Auf ein Filet aus deiner Brust
Und deine rechte Wade
Die wirkt wie weisse Schokolade
Die Hüfte ist sensationell
Wie echtes Sahnekaramell
Doch am meisten irritiert mich
Dieser -- Rock!

Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so süss in deinem Rock
Ich kriege einen Zuckerschock
Du bist so-- so --so --so --so süss
In deinem zuckersüssen...

Zucker-Zucker, Zucker-kerschock!

Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!
Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!
Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!
Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!
Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!
Zucker-kerschock! - Rock!

Zuckerschock!

German to English translation


Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!

You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You're so sweet - you are so cute
You are so sweet sugar-sweet in your Rock!

You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You're so sweet - you are so cute
You are so cute in your sweet sugar

I think I'll bite you in the leg
It must be made of cotton candy
Or perhaps the neckline
It shines like a meringue
You're so sweet - you are so cute
You are so sweet sugar-sweet in your Rock!

You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so - so - so - so - so sweet
In your sugar-sweet ...

And then I might still want
A fillet from your chest
And your right calf
Which works like white chocolate
That hip is sensational
Like real cream caramel
But most irritates me
This - Rock!

You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so cute in your Rock
I get a sugar shock
You are so - so - so - so - so sweet
In your sugar-sweet ...

Sugar, sugar Sugarshock!

Sugarshock! - Rock!
Sugarshock! - Rock!
Sugarshock! - Rock!
Sugarshock! - Rock!
Sugarshock! - Rock!
Sugarshock! - Rock!

Sugarshock!

But Zuckerschock has such an undeniable ring to it.

ZUCKER-KERSCHOCK!

Maybe I'm in love.

Speak Now or Forever hold Your Peace.

I'm on another broken avenue

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

And I hate that I love you so.

But every time I'm ready to leave

Those three words are said too much.

Your eyes are the brightest.

Her Hair falls perfectly.

Every little piece love.

I swear your heart is a free bird

Your heartbeat, it took away the fear

I think about it, all the time.

I'm finally now believing.

Sometimes I wish I could save you.

I'd walk a thousand miles

I'll Hold You Up.

Don't be Afraid to Jump Then Fall.

Forget yesterday.

Run away now.

Don't ever look back.

The Days Feel Like Years

I Can Wait Forever.

It'll all get better in time.

I'm Not Moving

No Matter where I go.

I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping.

So what if it hurts me?

A daydream I'll never get to hold.

And we know its never simple never easy

But Who would write a song for you?

Horrified looks from everyone in the room.

I'm Sorry I can't be perfect.

But You are Beautiful no matter what they say.

You're coming home with me tonight.

Right?

Labels: bad music, open letter, random

Yes, if someone can build a huge rubber duck, think about what you can do.

Someone who will be there for you no matter what.

Who will follow you, to the ends of the earth and back.

Who will hold your hand, and be behind you, no matter what your dreams are.

Who will support your choice to be different. Even if its weird.

Someone who will pick you up and tend to you, even if they are bleeding themselves. Who will wipe away your tears, and push away your concerned hands, and make you lie down, and care for you.

Someone, who hurts when you hurt, even more than when they get hurt.

Someone who won't lose faith in you, even when you lose faith in yourself.

Thats all we want isn't it?

Thats something that pushes me on. To find that person, and to become that person.

Labels: feelings, Love

She stood there in front of the large mansion. Dressed in a ninja outfit. Okay, it wasn't a ninja outfit, but only cause she couldn't buy one. She had settled for black tight-fitting clothing. Oh my oh my she thought, how in the world had it come to this. She waited till the moon went behind a cloud, then began her approach.

She walked all the way up to the fence and realized it was a little too high to climb over. Well it was possible, but she was no acrobat, it would be stupid. Think think think...this was ridiculous. You get a perfect SAT score and you get defeated by a fence?

Voila, she was no athlete, but she sure was skinny as hell, she looked around and surely enough, she soon found a hole underneath which she could slip through.

She slipped through it stealthily, slowly writhing her way through the tiny gap. But she soon realized that she couldn't go any further. She pushed herself backwards, but she couldn't. Crap she was stuck.

"Hey what in the world are you doing young lady."

Uh-oh, she looked up and saw a pudgy man of 40 looking at her, holding a hose and a spade.

"Uhhh..."

"Damn, you trying to get in?"

"Well, uh no, I can explain."

"Oh really? So whatcha doing stuck under yonder fence here, with yer head facing inwards?" He asked lazily, leaning on his spade in that irritating way farmers and gardeners in movies always seemed to be able to do.

He probably practiced she told herself.

"Okay I can't. I'm sorry."

He sighed, and reached downwards, and pulled her through by the arms.

"Run along now missy."

Not believing her own luck, she moved on towards the mansion, taking her first triumphant step she felt a big hand hold her back.

Turning she saw the gardener with an irritated expression on his face, the other hand held out.

Oh right she thought, and took out her wallet and gave him 5 bucks.

He scrutinized the note.

"You sure drive a hard bargain missy. Only five bucks? Damn this job ain't worth it."

Her confidence levels horribly lowered, she crept on towards the mansion, she hadn't really meant to give him so little. But then, that was all she had in the wallet.

If only her classmates could see her now. Who knew she'd be breaking into houses after dropping out of college. Oh ho ho she'd been destined for greatness alright. A life of academic bullshit. Doesn't matter. 2 years on, she was here in Los Angeles, breaking into Princes' house.

Yes, Prince, the pop star. Who knew he paid his gardeners so cheaply. After all, purple rain sold so many copies.

Uhh..anyway, she gazed at the front door. She tried the knob. It was open, and she sauntered in, ninja outfit and all.

She wandered through the large mirror-filled halls and paused for a second. Ugh, her normally lovely blonde hair had mud on it.

She entered a room, and suddenly she heard Prince singing in the other room. Oh my goodness it was Prince! Actually singing! Right there, just beyond the door.

She panicked, how would she phrase it, uhh... hi? That would be wayy to weird. She composed herself. But then freaked out again. When in doubt, call somebody. That adage had served her well in the past.

So she whipped out her handphone in the middle of that exquisite room and dialled the first number she could think of.

"Hello mom? I'm in Prince's house, what do I do."

"What? Prince?"

"Yes the singer, I'm in his house, he's in the other room, what do I do"

She thought she heard the distinct sound of someone slamming her head against the wall through the phone but after 1 second she got a reply.

"Do what you came here to do." Her mother replied and shut down the call.

"What? What kind of cryptic chinese kungfu master answer is that? Hello? Helloo?" She shouted as the door opened and the lights came on.

She froze as Prince gazed in on the odd sight of a blonde girl in a weird black outfit coated in mud shouting into her telephone in the middle of his room. Not to mention his carpet.

"Uhhh...hi!"

"Uhh..."

"Oh My Goodness! Prince I mean.. I am such a fan of yours, I've heard all your songs bought all your albums and..."

Great, third time this week, Prince thought, he would have to speak to the gardener, he clapped his hands and summoned his bodyguards.

As the shadowy men surrounded her she suddenly realized why she was here.

"Wait, here's my CD, could you give it a listen?"

Prince was interested, he wondered indeed.

"So you aren't just another crazy fan?"

"Umm, yeah I was hoping you could help me produce my music." She passed it to him quickly.

"Oh, okay." He snapped his fingers and the guards started dragging her away.

"Hey wait!" She called out over her shoulder.

"Don't worry I'll give it a listen." This girl had attitude.

He sat down in his cushioned chair after he heard the doors slam and took a look at the CD-R the girl had given to him. Scrawled on the back, in atrocious handwriting was a single word and a telephone number:

Ke$ha

Labels: stories

He stared at the phone screen.

Dammit. How should he phrase it.

He quickly typed out the first thing that came to his head as he walked towards the bus stop. It was stupid, simple and plain he thought. Instantly he deleted it and came up with a more carefully considered message.

Too rambling, his mind reminded him. He furrowed his brow, and after 5 minutes came up with yet another message.

Hmmm, nothing seriously wrong with it he thought. But..what if, she read that wrongly. No, it wasn't saying enough. No, it was perfectly fine, if he deleted it he wouldn't be able to come up with anything better. His fingers hovered over the send button, but he found lacked the gumption to press it.

He mentally cursed himself as his mind practically screamed at him to stop, and was just about to go for a third try when he heard the loud screeching brakes of the bus. He hurriedly got into the back of the queue and when he looked down, he found the screen black, idle.

Irritatedly, he jammed the centre button, bringing the screen back to life, and also to his utmost horror, activating the send option. He jammed the red button on his phone. But it was too late, the message had been sent.

He facepalmed as he got on the bus, and pressed his head against the pole, ignoring the mass of people swarming around him, and squashing him from all sides, holding his phone closely to his chest. I'm doomed he thought, thats it, I've messed up. She's not going to say anything to that.

He rued the missed chance, the wasted opportunity, his stupidity. He grieved for his future, once so bright, now ashen as his face looked to anyone else on the bus who bothered to look at him. Which was very ashen indeed.

The bus jerked and his face was brought briefly away from the pole for an instant, before the force ensured that both face and pole were reunited, violently. He gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to cry out. It would not do to let everyone in the bus think there was something wrong with him too.

Oh this was all your fault he thought, who asked you to take that stupid advice, now you're dead and doomed to eternal misery and solitude. Oh woe is me, I should throw myse-

Just then his phone beeped.

He glanced down and his heart skipped a beat.

Game on buster, game on.

Labels: bus-stops, stories

Oh no what do I say to her.

What will she think. After all, as far as she's concerned I haven't said anything to her in a month.

I wonder if I've already faded from her mind.

She doesn't know my phone's been out. Does she?

What if she sent me stuff during the blackout. I wouldn't know. She would've thought I'm ignoring her.

What a dastardly person she must think I am.

She must abominate me indeed.

Oh what a fool you are. You cannot afford to screw up right now. You cannot afford to.

Phrase it. Perfectly. Consider every SINGLE LETTER. CHARACTER. IF NOT YOU ARE DEAD.

Your happiness it in mortal peril.

Oh dear oh dear. Oh my oh my oh my oh my..

Labels: confused, my weird opinion, sanity

Another bright spot has been punched through the wooden roof in the weird attic of my life.

Alas my phone has been returned to me.

My phone, a.k.a my music player and watch.

Awesome indeed.

Grr...

All I ever want is to stand on that stage, and watch the crowd go wild.

No..

All I ever want is to make music for a living.

Yeah, I can wait tables all my life if I have to as long as I get those albums out.

No thats bullshit.

You won't be happy without the recognition Ian.

Yes I will.

No you won't.

All you ever want is for people to accept you for you are.

No. Thats something you have been living with. And can live with. People hating you. Its part of life.

All I ever want is to stand by her side.

For her to lean on me when she needs the strength.

To catch her when she falls.

And for her to feel for me the way I feel for her.

Dream bigger my friend whats wrong with you.

Thats nonsense, there is nothing bigger. Nothing more important.

Really?

Nothing more that you want.

Nonsense, there'll always be another girl who will come along.

Thats bullshit and you know it.

Thats exactly what you told yourself about her. You know. The other one from 3 years back.

Shut up. I'll make it work this time. Don't argue.

There's really nothing you want more isn't there.

I suppose so.

Labels: myself

Zzt had a horrible time in rehearsal today.

I'm really afraid I can't get it right this time.

Bother, believe in yourself brother. Cause no one's gonna believe in yourself for you.

**************************************************************

CLE today was about respect.

Though I have no clue how it actually related to what we did.

She asked us to define Life and Living.

I gave a brief definition. But I guess there's no better place to expand it than here.

Life is the spark in all living creatures that keeps them moving, keeps them moving no matter what may happen, keeps them striving on against all odds for survival. It doesn't matter if the situation is hopeless, it keeps us going on.

Humans are slightly different. We have the ability to keep hoping and struggle forth when any other creature would have given up. Like those shipwreck survivors who spend a month or more at sea and live to tell the tale. Like that crazy rock climber who I guess is now immortalized in the movie 127 hours.

This is humanity. Humanity is hope.

At the same time, Humans give up too. We have the capacity to actually go against all that nature deems normal and implode. Barring the highly intelligent dolphin, I know not of a creature on this planet capable of suicide. People do so for many reasons. I guess.
Some of them wouldn't take back their decision if they could.

Well only the first part is the definition anyway.

Back to relevance. Living.

To do what you want to do, and to be happy and content, only then are you truly living.

Thats the actual definition I wrote on the whiteboard. I was slightly irked that the teacher chose to question instead my definition of life. I should be flattered that my classmates thought that Head Boy Eugene came up with that. But of course, since when do I care what they think.

I'd better live my life properly.

Sighs

Labels: feelings, fragments, rant

I suppose thats what I'm going to have to take.

You see my body seems to be able to run in overdrive for a limited amount of time.

Running at maximum capacity, allowing me to do stuff for a really long time.

Then the moment I take a break. Boom. It all comes crashing down.

Like how I spent 36 hours away on 31st December/1st Jan. And crashed for 18 hours after that.

Somehow I think I'm going to take an extension of that. There is absolutely no way you can keep going on for weeks with insane rehearsals all the way into the night without something bad happening eventually.

I've got SYF rehearsals tomorrow till 9. Due to a scheduling issue, on a regular basis we are probably going to be scheduling rehearsals on saturday night.

Yes the day where people usually go out and have lives.

So it'll be a rush from cg to school. Then rehearse till 9-10pm or later if necessary.

Sounds scary. But rehearsals may increase further yet. After all, it got up to 5 days a week last year, and there wasn't SYF then.

We had more time back then too.

I wonder when I'll have to pay back this monstrous loan of energy. And what will happen.

I remember how I used to run in sec 1-2-3. Run like super fast. Get an A in 2.4 Collapse on the ground at the end of the run. Lie on the ground for 30seconds to 5 minutes. Shuffle slowly in a stupor to the water cooler and remain there for 10 minutes. Shuffle back. Sit down. Remain in a stupor for the entire day, and the next.

Thankfully I somehow lost the motivation to do that this year.

Or maybe not so thankfully. I have a feeling that its somehow bad for your body.

Whatever it is, the hangover is not going to be fun.

He crouched there, in the middle of the dense forest, in his little muddy foxhole. He listened to the crickets. It was early morning now, and dawn wouldn't be too far away. He clutched his rifle to him tightly, it was the only thing he could hold on to for now, his companions were a distance away, in their own holes in the earth. Watching, waiting for any warning signs.

They had left last night. The white folk. Ran back to the city, unwilling to stay in the damp. We aren't going to die here they had said, not for nothing. He clenched his teeth at their cowardice, then slowly released his anger. Keep calm he thought, it would do no one well to dull your senses with rage.

He listened out, for any footsteps, as he breathed slowly. He heard the rustle of the leaves, and felt the wind blowing softly on his skin. This was once a peaceful village he thought. He had come here before, to enjoy the tranquility. To help out his aunt and cousins wash their laundry, along the gentle jungle stream. Now the huts stood empty, the people gone, and the peace gone with them. However, in this rare lull in the ceaseless bombing, he again found the forest quieting. The trees, unmoving and resolute.

The enemy had come like a raging hurricane, sweeping everything before them. Nothing had been able to hold them back. It was pointless to resist, he recalled the white folks words, as they scampered away. But he couldn't, this was where he had lived, and if so be it, it would be where he died. He thought of his kids, they would be safe away from this place, he would miss them. It was Valentine's day today, he realized, and he hadn't had a chance to wish Sophia so, since she had left ever so reluctantly with the kids, her scarf blowing in the wind, her silhouette, still framed in his mind.

He knew then, that he would never see her again, and it pained him to think of her grieving. But she would have to be strong, he knew that she was, it was why he loved her so. Just as she had to be strong, so did he. His men were counting on him to lead him, and he would not, could not fail them. Let them come, he thought. We will be ready. Nearby he heard a rooster crow, and he watched the forlorn sun creep its way over the horizon. He looked upon it anew, with a sense of wonder and fear.

A shout rang out from his comrades, ringing out and shattering the silence, and they ducked low as the shells began falling upon them, tearing up the soil and shaking the trees like thunder. He spotted a flash of khaki coming up the ridge, took aim and fired. The man fell, and never got up again. This was it, there was no turning back now. He stood tall and gave the rallying cry.

Biar putih tulang, jangan putih mata

Death before Dishonour.

Labels: stories

He stared at her, as she chatted across the table to the girl to his left. She didn't notice, or maybe she was pretending not to notice. She just seemed to get hotter every time he saw her. He had to consciously check to make sure he hadn't started drooling.

He began to wonder, wistfully, if he would ever be able to tell her. Tomorrow would be Valentine's day, and he would probably write something monstrous that he would never show anyone.

She tilted her head slightly to the left as she was talking, letting her hair fall ever so softly to that side. He quickly averted his gaze, he had stared a little too long there.

Suddenly she was addressing him " Hello do I look like the type of person that.."

You look beautiful, he very nearly said. Catching himself in time, he mumbled " Well.." as the other girl gave her opinion, once again sweeping the conversation initiative away from him.

He sat there throughout the entire time, adding in random rejoinders to keep the conversation going. He just couldn't get enough of her voice.

"Tomorrows Valentine's Day," He said. "whatcha going to do?" He asked the other girl.

"Buy flowers."

"For whom?"

"A lot of people"

In the end that opening never came. And before he knew it he was staring at both of their backs as they walked away, still talking away. Had he even made an impression on her day.

"D'arvit." He muttered, turning away, taking with him the $40 heart-shaped box of chocolates and the note that read. " Hey ummm...Will you be my Valentine? "

Labels: stories

Things were bad for Idiana, very bad indeed. So bad that he found himself doing work in the canteen after school all by himself. It couldn't get any worse he thought. It could not. It definitely couldn't.

Suddenly he heard footsteps. From the odd syncopated beat he could tell it wouldn't be someone normal. Bingo, he thought as John walked into his view. Looking like he had something to ask him. Then again, he always did.

"What is it this time?" Idiana asked.

John reached into his bag and tossed out a magazine. It had two girls on the front, two exceedingly hot girls. Sigh, he thought, he should've known.

"Which one, Tristiana or her insanely hot friend?"

"Both."

"What do you mean both? Thats dumb, you have to choose one at least."

"But I can't choose. Help me choose."

"Okay, Tristiana hates you, so go for the other one"

" No but..."

He watched as John struggled to say something. A lot of weird emotions running over his face. Then suddenly he got it.

" You didn't come to me straight away did you?"

"Well..."

This was looking hopeless.

"What did you do this time?"

"Okay I creeped her out, I think."

"You think? You did."

"Okay, I screwed up. Now what?"

"Well your chances of getting either of them is zilch. Give up now."

"I can't just do that!"

"You got a plan other than following one of them around like a lovesick puppy?"

"It always works on tv!"

"It only works in sitcoms and if this was a sitcom there would be a retarded laugh track coming in about now in lieu of my sardonism."

John looked defeated. But Idiana knew that it was merely the calm before the storm. The peace lasted a grand total of 5 seconds.

"What if I enlisted the help of one of them to get the other."

"Sure, that means you still have to choose. Then again, you can't, you don't know her friend well enough, do you?"

"Well, I was thinking I could try to charm Tristiana while pretending to ask her for advice on how to get her friend"

This guy was insane. Then again Idiana had already realized that a long long time ago. He decided he had wasted enough time on this.

"Sounds like a good idea."

" Really? You think?"

"Sure go ahead. Good luck"

He watched as John scuttled away. Another day, another idiot.

Repetitive two part harmony- Awesomeness incarnate.

******************************

I am currently not only being disturbed by noisy horrifyingly amplified chinese new year celebrations organised by my condo, but amazingly by the echo of the celebrations off the HDB flats maybe 200 metres away. So I hear the annoying MC twice.

******************************************************

Super smash bros is fun once you get the hang of it.

I got it, on the family's er, Wii.

No, it doesn't work very well on the wii. But its fun nonetheless

************************************************************

My groupmate sent out an invitation to Inch Chua without consulting the group first. I wanna strangle him.

1. No one knows what exactly he sent her. It could've been the most awkwardly phrased thing in the history of mankind. We can't change it now.

2. We can't send something to override that without making it look even more awkward.

In essence, its an all or nothing shot, and the nothing currently seems to have a
higher chance of occurring.

3. We don't have an interview venue as of now.

4. We haven't planned the interview out. What if she still says yes. then I, yes because the idiot who sent it out is going to operate the camera, and the other two aren't going to do anything.

Then of course, I shall have to crap out the interview questions, as well as do an interview, in a short amount of time.

Dammit.

Worst case scenario, we lose the interview.

Best case scenario, I go there, get an awesome interview, get an autograph, and she friends me on youtube or smth.

Yay.

Optimism has taken a long break in the Ian corner of the world.

but its back.

I can't believe I've made it to the end of the week. I'm totally wiped.

Just when I thought drama rehearsals today was only going to burn out my mental energy due to the forceful nature of my character, I was wrong.

Apparently there is a 5 minute sequence in that play where everyone has to run around jump and do random stuff.

Well the entire list of things is : Jump (once, Run, for 5 seconds, do a leg lift, roll around the floor in a circle, all the preceding in unison. Worse, the last thing to do is to dance, for 5-10 seconds.

I always tell people I can't dance. Mainly because its the truth. People will sometimes insist and go like, we show you and it'll be fine.

Krumping apparently is some super high energy aggressive dance. The teachers thought it would be appropriate for my character, so I have to do that dance.

Its tiring as hell. I only had four steps, and after repeating them like 20 times, I was sweating like crazy and flopped onto the floor and nearly fell asleep.

Its kinda like showing off in an aggressive and exaggerated manner.

And....though I tried, at the end of it my friend looked at me and went like, you're still so stiff.

Well yeah, thats kinda why I can't dance.

Another reason to stay away from night clubs.

Must resist the urge to sleep. Right now.

Urgh.

My internet connection speed is depressing.

Something needs to be done about the internet service providers.

As a sharp snarky commentator pointed out. The internet service providers always advertise the MAXIMUM speed you can get with their services. And they never really say how much you normally get.

they have very bad customer service, especially if you call them all you get is some dumb automated machine that sometimes directs you to people. Once every 15 minutes it will attempt to do so. If it fails, wait again.

Besides, thats if your internet connection needs repairing. I don't think they'll do anything if your internet connection is merely slow.

Put it this way. If the internet providing service was any other thing, they'd be out of business.

Imagine if cable tv did that. And we all know that cable tv is screwed up already.

They advertise a maximum of 24 hours of tv a day. Of course, how much you get is your luck. Thats all. And if you don't get any tv at all, you call the company and all you get is a dumb robot that attempts to connect you to humans every 15 minutes. In between all you hear is some dumb repetitive wait tone playing over and over again .

don't complain if you get only 12 hours. After all, they said maximum of 24 hours a day.

Zzt

Labels: rant

Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the one who needs less help.

If we were related, I wonder who would be older really.

Cause you can be downright obtuse at times.

In a really totally, uncharacteristically childish way.

****************************************************

http://www.ehow.com/how_5146386_deal-annoying-friends.html

How to deal with annoying friends.

Things you need first:

Emotional Maturity.

Annoying friends.

As a summary.

1. Accept people for who they are. Do not try to change them against their will, it doesn't work.

2. Try not to think of that person's annoying characteristic as annoying. Look on the bright side of things.

3. Ignore the annoying behaviour. Do not appear the least bit annoyed.

4. Make them feel stupid about it. Apply massive amounts of condescending attitude. And let that show, subtly. As subtly as you can.

5. Don't tell them outright. It will encourage them.

6. Know when to cut your losses. There's a difference between annoying behavior and outright hurtful behavior. If your friend sleeps with your significant other, constantly puts you down, or lies to you, you need to make the self preserving decision to end your friendship with them. Find new friends who will treat you right.

Hilarity. Absolute hilarity.

Though a lot of the stuff seems to be focused on Josh Ramsay, the lead singer. Though obviously he managed to convince the other band members to stick around.

Lyrics:
I look around, round, round
Look around and look it over
I take it up, up take it out and take you nowhere
Trading in who I've been for shiny celebrity skin
I like to push it and push it until my luck is over

It never stop stops, never stops well you better
Think it over prima donna you don't want to sever
All the work to impress, charming girls out of their dresses
And smiling pretty, well pretty will shallow you forever

Step on, step two, step three repeat
I pray at the church of asses in the seats
And I disappear behind the beat

When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
I'd never guess how we ever could have got here
You can say what you say when the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth

I wonder why, why, I wonder why, why I outta
Let you wreck, resurrect whatever you wanna
I can't depend in the end you know I thought you were my friend
Just stop, just stop, just stop, I think I got it

Sorry you, sorry me, sorry every in between
Sorry everybody he will never be somebody clean
There's a piece of me they're throwing back at us
And they will buy you and sell you for celebrity status

Step on, step two, step three repeat
I pray at the church of asses in the seats
And I disappear behind the beat

[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/marianas-trench-lyrics/celebrity-status-lyrics.html]
When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
I'd never guess how we ever could have got here
You can say what you say when the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth

When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
I'd never guess how we ever could have got here
You can say what you say when the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth

Look around, round, round
Look around, round, round, look around
Look around, round, round
Look around, round, round, look around

Look around, round, round
Look around, round, round, look around
Look around, round, round
Look around, round, round, look around

Look around, round, round
Look around, round, round, look around

I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying

When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
I'd never guess how we ever could have got here
You can say what you say when the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth

When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear
I'd never guess how we ever could have got here
You can say what you say when the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth

I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying

************************

You reached 413 points, so you achieved position 4293 of 547642 on the ranking list


You type 551 characters per minute
You have 105 correct words and
you have 0 wrong words

105 words

free online typing test

Muahahahhaha

This is up from 91.

Labels: music, random

Been glancing back into the past. And I think my quiz replies were eerily similar.

Notably first holiday - Singapore, I used to live in Malaysia.

Have you talked to a person named tom - Tom no, Tommy yes

Relationship status - Unwillingly single ( I used those exact words, 7 months down the road)

First sport you joined: Badminton, I havent improved since p3 other than strengh-wise

Freaky.

What if I've already reached the height of my intellectual capabilities.

In that case, I'm going to struggle in university.

Indeed.

-.-

Or you are going to grow into a really insecure adult.

Hell yeah.

Oh oh I love this picture.

Yes I did it.



Lyrics, slightly modified.

Something tells me Marianas Trench is going to upstage BoyslikeGirls as my favourite Pop/rock band.

Hooray for Canadian artists

Labels: music

Inch Chua

If you're not familiar with the name, well let me give you a brief introduction.

I think she's 23. Why I don't know for sure? Because she isn't on wikipedia.

Oh wait she wasn't, she is now.

Inch Chua Yun Juan (born December 22, 1988) is a Singaporean singer-songwriter, musician, composer and multi-instrumentalist. She gained national recognition after being the first Singapore solo artist to be invited to the prestigious South by Southwest (SXSW) Music Festival.[1] She has since gained visibility with the release of her 2010 debut full length album Wallflower. Her music is influenced by everything from early pop classics, oldies, jazz to alt-rock. Her material is best described as a schizophrenic potpourri of introspective acoustic tunes, chirpy electronica and introspective lyrics.[2]

Thats about it.

At least now she's at the forefront of the local music scene.

Got loads of talent, as do almost all of the local artistes. And is really cool too.

For one. All her music is available for download free.

She earns her money through gigs and stuff.

She started at 16 in a band called Allura and recently got started on her solo career.

Awesomely she isn't signed to a single label and mainly produces her stuff by herself.

Apparently she is going to be part of some School Invasion tour. Where certain local artistes visit local colleges, ITE's, Jc's and Secondary schools HOLY CRAP

SECONDARY SCHOOLS. WHAT IF SHE SHOWS UP AT OURS WHOO.

Anyway was thinking of trying to snag a short interview with her for that SS project.

Hmm that sounds like a cool name. From now on I shall refer to it as TSP (that ss project)

It would be awesome to meet her.

you can get her stuff from inchchua.com and clicking downloads.

Her only request is that you help spread the word.

Talk about awesome

Labels: music

Shit what am I doing.

Inch Chua started at 16. Taylor Swift started at 14. There isn't time.

If I don't do anything about it nothing's going to happen.

And I'll be doomed to unhappiness.

Better start getting in touch with the local music community.

And better do something quick.

You better do something now, rather than stepping out of your house after you've got your degree without a place to go or with no clue on what to do.

Thats right you idiot.

Its never too early. But there is a too late.

Original composition by her.

This girls got a heck load of talent.

There's hope for me still I guess.

Muahahaha....

You gotta have a star to wish upon you know.

If not, you just die.

A dream pushes you far.

You chase it with everything you do.

You feel happier.

But sometimes along the way you wonder where you should go.

How far you should chase the dream.

I wonder, if the times comes, if I will have the strength to take my midnight train, even if no one says I should.

I just feel so lost and directionless so much.

Dear God, I just pray that you'll show me where to go, and help me find the train. Help me to stay true to myself, and follow you as much as you want me to. Give me strength, cause I don't have enough.

Show me the way.

Amen.

Labels: confused, music, myself

Okay. I am , once again, doing a shallow quiz. I shall attempt to sprinkle as much personal details as I can afford. With a dash of humour.


Naturally I am lazy. I stole this from. Uhhh the usual place where I steal quizzes from.

1. Last beverage→ water
2. Last phone call→ I really can't remember
3. Last text message→ It occurred about a month ago.
4. Last song you listened to → Anything Goes by Schrodinger's Cat
5. Last time you cried→ Non-disclosure?

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → nope
2. Been cheated on?→ Nope
3. Kissed someone?→ Nope
4. Lost someone special?→ Maybe
5. Been depressed?→ I guess
6. Been drunk and threw up? → Drunk - no, Threw up - yes

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

Red for fire, aggression, passion
Black, for darkness, and in a weird way, coolness

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → In the past year? Yes
2. Fallen out of love → Well...yeah
3. Laughed until you cried → Nope
4. Met someone who changed you→ All the time I do
5. Found out who your true friends were → Still a little lost here
6. Found out someone was talking about you → More than I cared to
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → I have no fb
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → The fact that you even need to ask this question shows how screwed fb is
9. How many kids do you want to have→ a hundred, hopefully half will turn out like me and I can cull the rest quietly when no one is looking
10. Do you have any pets → yep. 1 funny dog.
11. Do you want to change your name→ Not ever.
12. What did you do for your last birthday → I can't remember!
13. What time did you wake up today → 6.00
14. What were you doing at midnight last night → talking to a certain cg leader of mine on msn
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → the concert to be over, so that my misery will end, somewhat.
16. Last time you saw your father→ Yesterday
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life →

One wish huh. What would you do with one wish. Money? Fame? Love? Happiness?
Money's out I guess.
so 1. Started some random youtube thingy and got picked instead of Bieber.
2. Have one of my two crushes fall in love with me
3. Get adopted by Taylor Swift
4. Have a non-screwed up childhood

Tough call.

okay, 3. is just retarded.

1. or 2.

Forget 4. Whats done is done

Okay.

Point is they aren't really crushes. Or at least I'm not sure.

So this is more crazy than you think

Why am I taking this so seriously.

I really can't choose.

18. What are you listening to right now → Midnight train- Alarice Thio
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Does Tommy count?
23. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Concert concert concert....
24. Most visited webpage → bad sign, blogger has just overtook www.premierleague.com
1. What's your name→ Ian
2. Nicknames→ None that I care to recount
3. Relationship Status → Unwillingly single
4. Zodiac sign→ Don't care
5. Male or female or transgendered→ Male
6. Primary→ Gongshang, then St. Hilda's
7. Middle School → RI
8. High school → RI
10. Hair color → Black
11. Long or short → Long by school standards
16. Height → A horrendously embarrassing 162.5 cm. Emphasis on the .5
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → Heck, 2
18: What do you like about yourself? →

Why does this quiz like to throw questions of paramount importance at you as if
they are ultimately trivial. Its monstrous

1. My um attempted free spirit
2. Loyalty
3. Earnestness


19. Piercings → none?
20. Tattoos → None
21. Righty or lefty → Proudly left-handed.

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → stitches, on my right leg.
23. First piercing → none..
24. First best friends → well. There was this guy in k2 called stanley. Then there was this guy in international school called Gregory, then there was this other guy in p1 called Johnson. Go figure which age I had a real best friend.
26. First sport you joined → Badminton? I guess.
27. First pet → Dog
28. First vacation→ To Singapore. XD
29. First concert → DELETE QUESTION THIS IS SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT ME URGH
30. First crush → How old do you have to be to have a crush. Because if there isn't a lower limit, then I think there's something wrong with me somewhere.


RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → Nope.
50. Drinking → Nope
51. Already missing → THE DAMNED CONCERT
52. I'm about to → Post again
53. Listening to → I hear crickets
55. Waiting for → Godot

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → Wait, you asked this already
59. Want to get married? → Well, yeah
60. Careers in mind? → Don't get me started

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → Eyes
69. Hugs or kisses → Both?
70. Shorter or taller → Honestly, if she was shorter it be better, but I won't say hey I can't marry you cause you're taller than me. Thats just stupid.
71. Older or Younger → +6 -6 XD
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → this is awkward
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship → the latter
77. Trouble maker or hesitant→ trouble maker, please.

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Sadly, not.
79. Drank hard liquor → nope
80. Lost Glasses/contacts → nope
81. Had sex on 1st date → 0.o
82. Broken someone's heart → In a weird way, I hope so.
83. Had your own heart broken → Sighs, sighs.
85. Been arrested → Maybe I'll go get arrested one day just for the fun of it
86. Turned someone down → Nope.
87. Cried when someone died → No
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → Oh dear, serial offender

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself →

Its something I've struggled with.
But I do now.

90. Miracles →

There will be miracles, when you believe.

91. Love at first sight → Hell yeah
92. Heaven → Yes
93. Santa Claus → No!
95. Kiss on the first date? → Sure why not.
96. Angels → They brought me here!


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → more than one?
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → I wish.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → I refuse I refuse I refuse!!


Lets see if you all know which 3 songs I referenced. Muahaha.

Aside from outright naming the title of course. Anything Goes and Midnight Train are disqualified.

Its official.

One crazy boy living in Bishan is going to be very very emo tomorrow.

He is probably going to sit in his room and sing Taylor Songs to himself.

He is now contemplating whether playing her albums over and over would make him feel better or worse.

He is now trying to forget about her.

Forget about the fact that she took a photo of herself at chinatown, which showed a bunch of uncles in the background wearing a weird red uniform and being totally apathetic. They probably didn't know that that young blonde haired ang moh tourist happened to be an incredible songwriting savant that took the music world by storm.



Oh yes indeed.

Try to forget that she's staying at the Ritz Carlton. Do not head over there right now and spoil her day.

Get on with your life.

Keep on loving her music. Its not her fault you were too stupid to get concert tickets in time.

Your fault.

HATE YOURSELF
HATE
HATE
HATE
HATE

Now concentrate on happier things.

Focus on becoming like fire.

I mean even more like fire.

Focus on your beloved SYF character Red.

Think volatile, frenetic, powerful, vengeful, just a little unpredictable.

Dangerous.

Mmm. I like.

And maybe just maybe I have a chance to go see my favourite singer.

Gosh she is so talented.

Honestly I want to be like her.

Freaky? I guess a little.

I mean she's cool



Okay maybe not so cool

but she's gutsy and gives her heart in all the music she makes.

I mean



okay not what I meant. But still..

Girly? what do you mean girly?

Just cause she talks about romance doesn't make her girly.

Hell something's wrong with the modern world and Taylor Swift is going to fix it.

One song at a time.

There is nothing wrong with being girly anyway

I mean



Oh shit that had so better be faked.

There is just no justifying that.

Justinfying.

ARGGH.

Gosh these are concert tickets worth praying over.

Dear God, please help me get those tickets.

it would totally blow my mind if I could really get one in a standing pen near the front.

******************

One more for good measure



This girl sure knows how to pose.

One bad thing about stardom,

Every single random thing you do comes back to haunt you

Quiet, forceful, reserved, just that hint of vulnerable

Louder, crazier, and just as likely to trash you as to compliment you

Damn I really hate staring at my com waiting for people to come on msn.

Sighs..

I really really hate school.

I really really really really hate certain people at school

and I really really really really really really hate high brow megalomania.

And I really really really need to change.

Sigh.

Not entirely though.

Fine, have it your way, talk all you want.

Say anything you want to say, because I'm not listening.

I'm sick and tired of drowning.

And I'm just going to do whatever I can to ignore you, short of putting my hands in my ears and humming loudly.

********************************

Ah the things that people tend to assume.

The weird things that people tend to assume.

***********************************************

I have to stop reading reviews of how awesome Taylor Swift is on Rolling Stone.

Its going to blow my mind one day.

Ohohoho, let me dream and dream till I fly away.

Spread your tiny wings and fly away indeed.

And I would fly away with you.

Urgh I should stop synching my thoughts to songs, it will make me be more coherent.


I have to forget that I'm not going to watch her concert this week.

Urgh.

**********************************************************

I'm wondering, if you treat me exactly as an equal.

I really don't know. And I am beginning to wonder.

There have been clues that you don't but..

Nah you're fine anyway.

(:

**********************************************************************

On a side note, maybe I should stop mentally playing "It Ends Tonight" by the All-American Rejects whenever I feel pissed off. It just adds to the pissed off ness.

It just makes me feel that the lyrics, short of a few twists should be shot out of my mouth at my chief offenders.

Chief offenders indeed. I am growing more and more snarky by the day.

Labels: fragments, myself, open letter

A dear friend of mine once said this:

My life. It just feels very pointless now. I feel that...I've lost the passion for learning. I've lost any semblance of passion for my CCA. I don't feel motivated to work anymore, damn it. I know I should be studying really hard, but I just can't. It's like...I don't want to work anymore. I don't want to study anymore. I don't want to do anything at all. And the alarming thing is, this holiday mentality has carried over into the school term. And it's causing me a lot of grief. My marks are going downhill. Damn, I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who actually understands how I feel. Someone who's there to whoop my ass when it needs whooping. Someone to bitch at. All of a sudden, I feel so alone. All of a sudden, I remember this line from a song. "No, you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars." I know God loves me. I know I'm not alone. But all I'm craving for is a little human touch.

I wonder, one and a half years on I feel the same way.

But I don't want to go back.

This life feels fuller without the crap and bullshit of secondary school.

Nah, I haven't lost my passion for CCA, you guys can relax.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to sober up.

If I ever want to.

Again you're filling my head.

Why does it always happen like this.

*******************************

I have to find some way to shut Glee out of my head.

Their voices all sound so fake.

With the exception of that Asian girl whose voice still sounds like its been through heavy studio editing but still I bet can sing better than any of those other cast members.

Dammit if they can really hold notes that straight and long without any fluctuations in their voices then they can go and teach Maria Carey how to sing. Even Whitney Houston (see I Will Always Love You) can't hold a note that long or straight.

I find myself resisting the urge to writhe on the ground in agony whenever that fake sound blasts through speakers at any mall or shop that I happen to be in.

The lack of soul irks me.

The funny thing is, I would like the show without the music.

Grrrr.

ESTJ - 13%
ESTP - 13%
ESFJ - 13%
ESFP - 13%
ENTJ - 5%
ENTP - 5%
ENFJ - 5%
ENFP - 5%
ISTJ - 6%
ISTP - 5%
ISFJ - 6%
ISFP - 5%
INTJ - 1%
INTP - 1%
INFJ - 1%
INFP - 1%
Extrovert 75% vs. Introvert 25%
Sensing 75% vs. INtuitive 25%
Thinking 50% vs. Feeling 50%
Judging 50% vs. Perceiving 50%

:/

Hooray for 1%s

Ah back to obsessing over my own personality type.

And I stumbled upon a very sardonic commentary on all 16 of the types.

Interestingly enough it was a Christian site.

So here it is:

Prayers


ESTJ

Lord, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask.

ESTP

Lord, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

ESFJ

Lord, give me patience, and I mean right NOW.

ESFP

Lord, help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing.


ENTJ

Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwatIdo.

ENTP

Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

ENFJ

Lord, help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing?

ENFP

Lord, help me to keep my mind on one th--Look a bird--ing at a time.

ISTJ

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41.23 am e.s.t.

ISTP

Lord, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

ISFJ

Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

ISFP

Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don't mind my asking).

INTJ

Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

INTP

Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

INFJ

Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

INFP

Lord, help me to finish everything I sta

Amen.


:/

And for good measure I just did another online personality test.

I'm not in a good mood today

Your Type is
INFP
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
44 88 62 44

Hmmm

nvm lets see a comparative test.



Oh dear. I don't think the results will be so weird next time. Having such strong preferences to any trait brings trouble.

See-sawing

Infinite high

Ultimate low

nothing in between

Days are just whizzing by, and little registers.

I lose myself in my music.

Time is no longer circumspect.

It passes not. The strain in my bones the only indicator that it still exists. My body, brain, mind, disintegrating, amidst the cacophany of sounds. The music, warring against it. Shut out all the pretenders.

Leave me here. Keep them out. I'll stay in this pavement of safety, even if it means that I don't get to the other side.

Better stuck here, than to be dead from a car.

'Cos they don't stop for no one. They won't make an opening, there's no point rushing through. Cause I've been walking for miles and miles and miles but no traffic light appears. And I've tried once, and the aimed for me, yes they did.

****************************************************************

Don't worry if you don't understand that. I don't fully understand it myself.

Gotta get myself out of this stupid emo rut.

Rage against the machine!

Coherency apparently has deserted me for now.

Urgh

Labels: fragments, my weird opinion, myself

Honestly I'd rather go blind then deaf.

I'm sorry all my friends but if I ever go deaf prepare to attend my funeral within a week.

Music is <3

Makes you think huh?

Labels: random pic

Someone asked me once what I wished myself to be.

Maybe this:

Swift as the Wind

Gentle as the Forest

Fierce as Fire

Firm as a Mountain

Powerful as Lightning

My head hurts.

This not helped by a grating incessant noise from next door.

It sounds like an electronic chicken.

Except for the fact that it sounds like the toddler next door is jamming his finger on the play button just about two times every second.

Its the type of sound that just burrows into your brain and slowly erodes away your brain cells until they waste away, and you're left staring blankly ahead, mouth slightly agape, with drops of drool leaking out from one side.

Urgh.

************************************************************

It was a stupid day, the type of stupid day where you shouldn't do anything but sleep at home and draw the curtains and curse the sun because if you go out something bad will happen.

But he was out. And he did spend an hour in the bathroom before going out, chances were, nothing horribly untoward would happen. He forgave himself and chose to overlook the convoluted logic in his brain. Just then he passed by a giant panel of glass and caught sight of himself. Gawd I look striking in red, he thought and almost immediately heard a derisive snort and a bunch of giggles. Shit did I say that out loud? He asked, he received a sardonic look and a yes in reply.

Mentally facepalming himself he walked ahead and saw Ronald McDonald looming large in front of him. His eyes riveted on the gloved palm of the smiling statue. Give him a high five, his brain whispered conspiratorially. His hand twitched but he locked it to his side and strode quickly past the fast food mascot. Just as he moved far ahead enough to let his arm relax, he heard a slap and a ripple of laughter from his companions.

Apparently he wasn't the only one having a stupid day.

Labels: stories

Got that off leilockheart that person is crazy.

should I check the billboard right now?

Freaking firework is probably still at number 3.

And all above it are crap.

Most probably the 10 below are crap too.

Sighs.

Oh goodness the stupidity of this quote.

" Being President is like intercourse, in that no one has ever or will ever do it better than me "

No its off cracked, a president would never be able to ever utter such a phrase without being hauled off by a mob of angry voters.

**************************************************

Alas El Nino has left Anfield

And in his long and looming shadow,

two more have stepped up to take his place

YNWA

**************************************************

Its been how many years already?

15 going on 16 we all are.

Scary.

Alas people change.

Alas I don't know many of them

A certain someone apparently hasn't lost her penchant for dignified sarcasm.

And a general sense of dignity.

Credit to that person, who is funnier than she thinks, only she could look dignified for an entire year after being labelled with the unfortunate nickname of monkey.

**************************************************************

We had nicknames in primary school.

Such a wash of nicknames. I have never encountered such a thing like that before or since. And since not one of my nicknames stuck, I think I can safely conclude that none will even though I had another Ian in my class for p6.

Well one did. But it was unbelievably cruel and was dropped.

hmm we had quite a few animals.

mostly cause we were lame.

Lets see, lemme rustle up all the nicknames I can remember from that old awesome era of the year 2007

We had :

Bean
Eli
Worm
Fluff
Ji (chicken)
Wiki
Kibbles
Ahma
Chocolate
Cake
Cheese
Chao Rabbit
Monkey( aforementioned)
Toilet

I apologize if I missed out any. My memory is highly suspect.

Of course we called each other other stuff
like Jt JM Chia, but of course those really aren't nicknames I guess.

Just stuff to differentiate you from like the other jonathan in the class, the other marcus or the other Ian.

Oh yes what did they do about us

well they tried to stick a nickname onto me.

Things like uh. Karmaman. Which was one of the most retarded nicknames they tried.

Kudos to you if you know who any of those nicknames belong to. Welcome batchmate, tag if you please!

Hmm I just realized I failed to capitalize Jonathan or Marcus but naturally capitalized Ian.

BAddddddd habit.

Labels: fragments, nostalgia, random pic, soccer

I'm just spent now.

Tired. Tortured.

I've said this too many times but I just can't take it anymore. All their shit. Well guess what, he said I could leave if I found anyone willing to take me in.

Frankly I don't give a shit, if he thinks thats supposed to make me consider how awesome he is to the world and that there is nobody out there, then fine. I've considered enough. I want out.

He says what he isn't going to pay for my university education. Fine. Suits me anyway. I don't want one. I can be poor all my damned life but at least I'll be happy.

I'll take almost anything.

I want a normal life, not one swamped by his crap. Her crap. Its all the same. Unending swalls of crap.

I just want some NORMALITY.

Get me out of here.

Anyone of you, if you can. I'm begging you. I can't live here anymore.

Please save me, I'm running out of hope, I don't know how much longer I can hold on God..

Wake me from this nightmare, before I'm lost to it.

Because sometimes I just figure I might as well take the only way out.

Take that one way trip.

And leave all of this behind.

Then I catch myself again, because its wrong, but everyday I seem to care less and less.

And of course it scares me. It scares me as much as it might scare you. But I can't do anything about it.

Not that I know. I need to do something before my resolve slips.

God help me.