I don't know, maybe that's the case for my mother, I'm pretty sure of that I guess. But as for my father....I don't know.

I think I should be old enough to be over that I hate my parents phase. And I think I can say that this time, I'm really sure I don't like them, and it isn't for no reason.

Its like I stopped feeling a sense of love from my father for a very long time and its just degenerated whatever relationship we used to have, if it even was there at all.

Though affection is certainly more than physical expression, I can't remember when was the last time I got a hug from the both of them, and the time has come and passed when I actually wanted them to. Now...its like I'm past caring and I don't want one from them.

I don't know, maybe you think its a small thing, but....I really wished someone would come and hug me.

Someone I actually cared about. I'm not asking....but I remember asking. It was terrible from me and for that person.

It's very weird, perhaps a little sappy and soft to say but I guess there's nowhere else I can say it.

I just feel so unloved at times.

Oh but for a little reprieve.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.