It's not like I cared too much about the people.

But the way it hit me was very hard.

Still.

I feel a strange ambivalence to one of them. I mean. He wasn't part of them, and most likely isn't. I'm pretty sure he knows what it feels like to be out of it.

Then again. Who am I to say anything? After all, when you've been left out of it and suddenly given a way in, who wouldn't take it?

I took it. I took it for a year and cruelly wronged a friend, who I tormented instead of helping and thanking.

I don't know.

Maybe I can't blame him that much.

Still.

I'm thinking too much. I don't know exactly what happened.

There's just something about this whole thing that brings up very raw emotion in me.

Maybe I'm not fully healed from that old wound. Most probably.

Scars don't really fade do they.

Not the big ones.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.