If any of you give enough of a shit about me, and have understanding parents.

Get me the fuck out of here.

I don't want to sleep here.

Fuck this.

Tomorrow I'm waking up at 5am. Getting dressed for the party and getting the fuck out of the house.

And if I'm lucky I won't need to return.

Ever.

Realistically I'll sleep somewhere .

Maybe in a park just to see what it looks like.

You know what. Thats bullshit. I'm not getting a room.

Its okay.

Just lend me a blanket. I'll find some nice floor to sleep on.

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

Everything happens for a reason.

God, whats the fucking reason for this?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

fuck this shit.

fuck them

fuck my life.

fuck

fuck

fuck.

They say screaming vulgarities ease pain.

But I sure as fuck do not feel any better.

Okay.

Maybe a little.

sigh.

I'm not even asking for loving parents.

Just leave me alone.

I don't need your guidance. I don't want your "love" or your concern. I don't need your stupid expensive clothes, or ridiculous dinners.

I don't want holidays to europe or china, or fucking anywhere.

Let me grow up, without your condescending influence, and get the fuck out of here.

I'll leave right this moment if i could.

I won't miss you. Maybe I might miss my brothers a little. I know I'll miss Victor.

I'll miss my room, and my stuff.

I'll take as much of it as I can.

But I sure as fuck

will not

miss you.

Ever.

You know what. I'm never seeing you once I settle down and start a family. If ever. Because my children sure as fuck do not want to know you. I'm pretty sure realising what a monster they're related to might traumatise the shit out of them and put them off having children.

You know what?

Fucking hell. What my kid ends up like you?

I don't know what the fuck I would do.

Parenthood, more complicated and horrific than can be imagined.

Which makes me wonder why the fuck you didn't prepare a little more.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.