I have to learn to take a step back. Have to learn that not everyone can take that kind of intensity. I'm neurotic cause I care too much about what other people think, I care a lot about other people and how they feel.

Of course not everyone. I still care what they think. No, I don't care, but it affects me all the same. Very depressing...

I care too much about some I guess. And it hurts when well-meaning warmth and exuberance gets ignored. I don't know..it just makes me feel like I'm not appreciated.

It hurts to not be appreciated.

I don't try to please, not everyone. If I'm trying to please someone, then that someone is kinda important to me.. and whenever people ignore me its like a betrayal. Its so terrible, I shouldn't be like this.

I have to stop.

But I can't....I'm not selfish, I just care too much.

Its so ironic isn't it.

I fear, that I've started to smother people.

I hate it.

I don't know. I don't know anymore. I don't know who is right and who is wrong. I only know that it hurts inside. But if I'm bothering them I have to stop.

Even if it hurts or not.

I hate myself.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.