Especially Mom, she's being so nice to me all the time.

But everyday all the time, whenever I can, I will avoid meals with my family, if I talk to them I will give off a frosty air. As frosty as I can, which is not actually very frosty when I forget to be frosty.

Whatever.

The point is I still won't trust them.

No matter how they treat me right now.

Because I'm scared.

I don't trust them enough to run my life properly

I'm happy enough running my life by myself, without their interference and emotional nurturing thank you very much.

I don't need all of that. I don't need the positives, so why the heck would I take them with a chance of getting the clusterfuck of nonsense that potentially comes with all of them.

Sigh.

It's me keeping them away but you can't blame me now can you?

Or can you?

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.