Nervous and scared.

Not the same scared as before, luckily that's not even constantly only my mind.

I'm just.

Wondering why I bounce so easily to the emptiness.

And its hard to let people know that this want is a need.

That I need people.

More than any of them could ever need me.

And maybe I want them to need me, as warped as it is. But no.

I mean.

I'm a mess.

I can't be something anyone wants, and at the same time its the thing I want most and am scared by the most.

What if its my turn to face the music, and I'm found wanting.

What are you so afraid of my friend?

Me. It's just me.

I'm not going to let you down.

Just another starstruck (see above for evidence*) wanderer trying to find his way in this horribly confusing and sometimes messed up world.

This space as you might have realised is for my own venting. It's where I talk, to myself. To the universe. It's where I don't lie. Much. Chances are you won't get more truth out of me than these few billion pages of angst.

My life isn't that bad. Sometimes. The good parts just usually end up being the blank dates in between the posts you see. So yes, just to practice my math and to cheer myself up a little, the number of posts is inversely proportional to my mental wellbeing. Yes that counts as math with me.

And despite the wry smile on my face and the grin I can imagine on yours, I'm still rather sombre.

I promise you I'm sunny somedays. Stick around. You never know what you may learn.

*hint may or may not be in big black font at the top of the page.