Hurt fades, so I've learned
Into gnawing apathy,
eating your memories.

but I'm a memory
to you, and perhaps not more
so bring me to life.

Labels: poetree

Okay, i have an unidentified stalker who uses a mac and checks my blog pretty frequently.

Hello...?

Most flattered.

************************************

I don't understand the world sometimes and what it throws my way.

I don't know what's been going on this year. It's been so strange.

And nothing's going to be the same again. Not ever.

I don't understand people better, experiences have been less real.

I'm still looking for some authenticity, and not finding it. And I'm becoming less.

I'm experiencing less, being less. Less of what I want to be, what I want myself to be, less sure of where I am and where I'm going.

And it's become less important. And other things were more important but now there just isn't anything less and I find myself equally uninmportant.

I want to try, but I've got nothing to try for.

Maybe I need to learn the importance of waiting.

Yes I do. The importance of inaction as a choice. The choice of doing nothing, to actively participate in passivity.

As much as I want to throw myself into the current and just flow along, I don't want to "hibernate" and awake months later, unchanged.

Exactly where I am, exactly where I don't want to be.

Then things won't get better.

You see here I am again, telling myself I need to do this, I need to do that.

Maybe for once I need to do nothing. Which is different from sitting around and trying to relax, or pass the time. I need to still my soul again, and maybe listen to it. Longer than usual. Who knows what I'll find.

...I also need someone to parachute into my life.

*****************************************

set the songbird free
for your gilded cage won't do
for free flight and song

So fly along.

Labels: poetree

Fuck my lying heart.

Sisyphian death
Is mine in her cold service
toiling to no end

****************

But my own.

I can't just discount my feelings.

I wish I could though.

Labels: poetree

I'm sorry world.

Am I too much of a chore for you?

Forceful fucking lies
So revealing in failure
All for my own good

My own fucking good.

Labels: poetree

Hope is missing you
and knowing that broken bones
will have life once more

Faith would be the stars
When they shine at their brightest
Burning in beauty

Labels: poetree

Hurt is flows of blue
Welling in and not out of
my now empty veins

Serendipity
is seeing you on the street
and walking away

Anger is myself
Moving mountains and oceans
for that sunflower

Love is the strange one
It picks but isn't picky
wanting all but naught
******************************************

God knows where this came from but :

Lust the deceiver
It tells you your prize is whole
as she shrieks and cries

Labels: poetree

Unwritten missives
Slipping so casually forth
Weighing my heart down

Labels: poetree

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I can actually remember very very little about my childhood.

It's just fragments.

Today another big chunk came back to me.

I probably shouldn't have been obsessively playing scramble on the bus, but I got on sideways.

And the bus was a new and unfamiliar one, not like the old comfy ones, it also had a backwards seat.

I took it.

Within 5 minutes I was motion sick.

I got off the bus when it reached the intermediate stop. And by got off I mean stumbled off like a fish jumping back into water.

And I breathed and breathed but my bus was already there.

I looked out of the window throughout the entire bus journey. Or tried to. But it was futile. I was already getting hit by motion sickness and it was killing me.

It felt worse than it feels when I'm half incapacitated from sneezing and I feel stupid. It just makes me feel like throwing up, it makes me feel terrible.

And the bus journey lasted 40 minutes.

I could barely keep my eyes open as my stomach churned and I yearned for sleep. I couldn't sleep. If i did I would end up somewhere in bukit merah.

I have no idea how I just survived that. I feel really really shaken.

And now I think back and remember the car rides. The jerky ones on the causeway between Singapore and Malaysia.

The traffic jams where things were barely moving. And the traffic jams where nothing was.

Then you have trips. The trips to KL that soon became a chore. The driving. The 3 hour journey with nothing to look at.

I rarely got motion sickness then. But now I do. I hate it. When I moved to Singapore and I was weaned off my daily ordeal of traffic jams, the trips to various parts of Malaysia still continued each year.

I don't go on them anymore. I'm glad I have the ability to choose for myself now.

****************************
Pink fresh rivulets
welling out and travelling from
my raw self-made wounds

Labels: poetree

I honestly lost count. 

Labels: poetree

I might as well start practicing.

You toss your fringe back
wiping your tears off your shirt
Tattered perfect grace

***********

She strides out so strong
unconfident conviction
imbuing her step

*****************

Life is but a game
With rules, fools, tools everlasting
Won't you play with me?

*****************

When lips meet again
they whisper how do you do
never forgetting

***************************

Perfection is flawed
Her tears never let her know
drowning out the truth


Am I getting better?

I hope so. :/

Labels: poetree

I must say I've only written one haiku in my life before.

It was hilarious because I made a "twist" at the last line to make it sound mysterious.

But it turned out pretty nice

Leaves rustle softly,
droplets hanging underneath
figures lie below

I PENNED THAT WHEN I WAS TWELVE GOING ON THIRTEEN BITCHES.

So here's my second attempt

To my first true love
doodles, yellow hearts and kisses
bring me back to you

>.<

Yes I know it's 585. But people freaking write ONE WORD HAIKUS.

like. TUNDRA.

dun dun dun.

That's a haiku.


*****************

The months are calling
for solace's gentle end
in you I awake

....sounds harsh.

in you I am found.
in you I am safe.

in you I arise.

NOOOOOOO.

in you I am born.

CREEPY SHIT.

for you I am born.

CHEESY SHIT.

Ack. You pick the one that sounds nicest.

Labels: poetree

Why do things need to be so hard for no reason.

Labels: fragments, poetree

Oh if I could tell her

Labels: poetree, random